Dear Wife,



I�m writing you this letter to tell you that I�m leaving you forever. I�ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell.



Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn�t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don�t tell me you love me anymore; you don�t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you�re cheating on me or you don�t love me anymore; whatever the case, I�m gone.



Your EX-Husband

P.S. don�t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

��

Dear Ex-Husband



Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.



It�s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you�ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn�t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was �You look just like a girl!� Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can�t say something nice, I didn�t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.



After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.



I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won�t get a dime from me.



So take care.



Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!



P.S. I don�t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that�s not a problem.





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Smart and now rich woman! Quote

This made my morning ))))
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that was really funny


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POSSIBLY the 2nd best 'dear john' letter after the 1 posted at the start of this thread


A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up." Quote

I like both of those. It made me think of this, even though it's not a letter.

A man came home one day and asked his wife, �If I won the lottery, what would you do with your half of the money?�. The wife thought for a second and then said �I would take it and put it in the bank. Then I would leave you. Then I would take a long vacation and live off of the interest�. The husband said �Well, ok, I won $50 on a scratch off ticket at the gas station on the way home. Here�s $25. If you hurry, you can pack your bags and get to the bank before it closes, but be gone before sundown�. Quote

LOL Quote

POSSIBLY the 2nd best 'dear john' letter after the 1 posted at the start of this thread

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."



LOLOL Quote

Well the award for biggest scumbag in the world goes to former 80's singer David van Day for this tv appearance back in 2009

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OMG.. THAT WAS GOOD ...! Quote

first one was funny!!! Quote

Courtesy of Bianca Jordan :



one old couple was walking in the park hand in hand
the old woman says to her husband "can we go somwhere when there is no one and we bring back our old memories"?
and the old man said "oh no, we are too old to do that again"
but the old woman was insisting
and they find a place under one tree, and the old women starts rubbing her husband under his underwear... he gets horny
then there comes the policeman and says "both you have a fine for doing this in public, the man will pay euro300 and the woman will pay euro600"
the old woman gets so angry screaming "why i have to pay 600 while my husband will pay 300"
and the policman says "for your husband this is the first time he comes, while you have been caught other times"
=D
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