dudley_do_ride: The Thread of Ultimate Gloom and Uncompromising Despair... - 6/23/12 - Female Performer Chat

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Female Performer Chat: The Thread of Ultimate Gloom and Uncompromising Despair...

Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

7/1/12 @ 3:10pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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*grins at the roaringly good story* *plops down on Ride-weaver's lap and kisses him grandly with abandon*

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Created by: carousel

7/1/12 @ 3:30pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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OW Holmes said:
"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions."
:bulb

Perhaps that's true, but all that extra space can get filled up by Imperial Hubris.

:helpme

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

7/1/12 @ 4:05pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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LOL carousel i love that quote and your comment

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/1/12 @ 4:50pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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*grins at the roaringly good story* *plops down on Ride-weaver's lap and kisses him grandly with abandon*

mmmmmmm I love thatkinda abandon in kissin' and in writin'.

Feed the mania!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/1/12 @ 4:57pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Imperial Hubris.

Emperor: It ... was... I...

who brought you here to check out scantily clad models ...

to give literary and social criticism...

Who... showed... you...

the AWESOME POWER of...

(hissing)

the... ellipsis... sssssssssssssssssssssssss....

KNEEL FALSE-FRONTED KNAVE AND CALL ME MASTER!!!!!!!

Oh and as you go, find Shatner for me... I desire a word...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/3/12 @ 9:52am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Chronology of the life of Sam Waterson, philosopher

1822 - born in Vienna. father: plumber mother: synchronized swimmer

1828 - loses first pet in tragic accident - the horrible: "kitty's head caught in the fishbowl" episode

1832 - teachers acknowledge that he is a genius, graduate him early from his primary education

1833 - writes first book: Reflections Upon Life in a Pond from an Inflatable Pool on its Shores

1834 - invents soap on a rope

1835 - graduates from the Sorbonne with a Ph D in philosophy. thesis: The Inner Tadpole

1836 - unable to find an eccentric celebrity to live / exchange letters with so buys a condo for his cat and thus starts the Siamese School of Philosophy

1837 - writes: Thus Spake the Great Fish

1838 - exiled from Vienna for his political views.

1839 - has a fateful encounter with a fishmonger's wife, immortalized in his: Sponges Suck and So Do You

1842 - causes a stir by reintroducing leaches to the medical profession.

1844 - committed to a clinic for alchohal abuse. told to "water his drinks down or die early"

1845 - writes: Valves, Seals and Human Drives, which first expresses his central notion of the will to shower

1850 - loses his mind while picking up clothes from a dry cleaner. death of his mind

1860 - death of his body. buried at sea.

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

7/3/12 @ 9:58am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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loves list poetry (dudley) hahaha @ both you and I with Vienna on our minds this morning.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/4/12 @ 6:46am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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loves list poetry (dudley) hahaha @ both you and I with Vienna on our minds this morning.

Cool : ) Vienna is a good place for the mind even without shrinks and philosophers.

But I bet you don't have what I have on my mind riiiiiiiight now:

Artifical Voice: Logan 5 you were sent on a mission! What did you see?

Logan 5: There..... is...... no....... sanctuary.

Artifical Voice: UNACCEPTABLE. YOU BROKE THE SEALS. YOU WENT OUTSIDE. WHAT... DID... YOU SEE?

Logan 5: Robot.... Old man... Plankton... There... is... no... sanctuary...

Artificial Voice: ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! (fzzzzzzzzzzt crzzzzzzzzt pop KERPOW!!!!)

Logan 5: I knew I could defeat it when I saw the "Last Refresh in 1972" sticker...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/7/12 @ 5:16am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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The Final Form

On July 7th, 2012 early in the morning, as perceived by monks in a monastery on the coast of the New World, a change took place in the heavens.

The monks looked up from their early chores and said to themselves: "the mountie has encountered the final form"

Having said this the monks stopped doing their chores for they realized that the End had finally come.

This same process occurred all over the land at this time. "the mountie has encountered the final form."

Years ago Shiva had charged the mountie as a price for attaining yet another level of Enlightenment, that he must begin the final ride through the land. He must visit a certain number of models each period, making sure to advance through all types, shapes, sizes, manner and natures of models, until he had reached the number of the ending. Which none could name.

So each week, with heavy heart, the mountie had to ride and ride and ride. Form by form the task spun out. Not knowing how close to the final number he might be.

He was careful to tell no one. He knew that many would question the decision to choose Enlightenment over the future of the world. They would surely try to stop him. It was a conflict of the nature of mountie with morality and basic humaness to be sure.

Shiva for his part watched the long ride and laughed with delight. The heavens could be seen to flicker and crackle with his light laughter - something that told the monks to watch out.

But now it had ended. The last form found. With a squeal of pleasure, a few hormone soused goodbyes, the curtain began to come down on the universe.

This annoyed the hell out of many people. It happened at an extremely inconvenient time, before the weekend got started. There was no warning. Nobody said anything about a dress code or provided parking. It was just a short announcemnt over the airwaves that we had ten minutes to kind of mill around a bit and then Shiva would end it all.

Shiva of course was absolutely stoked, he slapped the mountie on the back and started making his preparations. The mountie of course had to prepare for the next level of Enlightenment. He was careful to do it behind a felt rope to separate him from the angry mobs forming.

Shiva did have some minor nymphs come down to distract the crowd by handing out pamphlets and saying vaugely reassuring things like " Oh I know... I know... buh bye" The fact that the nymphs were very sexy was also a big help that way.

I feel as I reach this point that it all is a bit anti-climatic. Nobody was prepared to give a great speech. No good bands were playing. The mountie simply suddenly disappeared. The nymphs wicked out with a last "buh bye" and Shiva grew and grew and grew, focused a large baleful eye on all of existence ...

And...

* universe redacted *

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/8/12 @ 12:42am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Between universes. And after suuuuuuuuuuch a betrayl. I have to sit down, as narrator, and get my bearings. wheeeew. Is the hero allowed to bargain away a universe? Even if there are countless others?

* takes a swig of what looks like gin *

Oh well. We'll have to consider that more later. I just gotta deal with this part right now. It is bad enough.

Because it was a loooooooooooong time between universes. Ride had to pick up a lot of things.

The first and easiest was that he now knew exactly what the logical absolutes were beyond being merely not concepts. Of course they were not material. Universe was gone. He was not yet in another universe. Yet he was not not a mountie, and was definately a mountie. Technically he didn't have a mind at that moment. So there was no mind here and thus no concept here. I am telling about this using the narrative past and was not aware of it all at the time that it occurred. So the absolutes clearly were operative and not physical as well as not being concepts.

Ride tells me that they were just kind of hanging out at that moment in inter-universal void. They of course also transcend and impose themselves upon all the other universes, I mean there certainly is not a universe where A is not A for example. But it hasn't gone to their heads.

From which Ride further deduced that they are regular and rational, making the set of what they could be so tiny that no reasonable being could deny Ride a smug sense of iknowwhatitis.

Interestingly enough they exist independent of time. Since Ride also existed independent of time while between universes, it was up to his vulnerability to intervoidal fluctuations to eventually migrate him into the material plane of the next universe.

While this incredibly slow process took place. More bizarre truths revealed themselves to him.

He learned the location of the place that missing socks go on laundry day. He learned how to predict the outcomes of high energy experiments without performing the experiments. He figured out how to make fusion power cost effective at the level of the individual consumer. He got the logically ironclad proof of which economic theory would actually result in prosperity. He was now able to prove too that no organization should have more managers than workers at any time.

He would have learned even more if was not, though there is still, a rule that one enlightenment can never by itself be capable of causing a golden age. Even if many many civilizations were snuffed out to get that knowledge.

The universe never ceases to amaze at various levels...

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

7/8/12 @ 6:42am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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'they' *twiddles thumbs*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/12/12 @ 1:35am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Now as Ride bumped and slid toward the destination universe, Shiva came to him, in excellent spirits, and said in his playful way:

"Behold mountie, behold with your mind these words, for you shall not see the thing they describe directly, for that is the whole point of the thing. I tell you that I - the Destructive One - have balanced the death of this universe with a new universe of my very own design, for I am also the Creative One."

Ride conveyed appropriately his appreciation of all these things. Shiva beamed an even wider smile in this void of voids.

"But I tell you truthfully mountie, that I have created this new universe almost exactly as that which is gone, except... and this is the truly clever thing, except... I have created it without any animals or people. More importantly there are no minds to be found in it at all. Nothing that you would call thought or reasoning can occur there."

"Sooooooooooo. What does this tell you about your precious logical absolutes? Isn't a tree not not a tree too in that universe?"

Ride calmly agreed that the logical absolutes were fully operative in that universe too. There was no need to go and inspect that place to know this.

"And was it not the case that a tree there was not not a tree before you heard of it?"

Ride agreed.

"Well", said Shiva, "Here is the absolutely insanely clever bit. As I was creating it I purposefully banged my heads upon a wall and knocked myself out. While I was unconscious, and before you knew, was a tree not not a tree in that universe that soon came into being as I recovered from my concussion?"

Ride averred that it must definately be so.

"Then by induction" said the god with the power that all beings get when they feel they are now on the home stretch and that nothing can possibly slow their triumphant progression across the finish line "If I didn't create the silly thing a tree in that mindless universe would still not not be a tree. Can I hear ya say a big amen to that brother?"

Ride didn't pause a moment before agreeing that it must be so.

"Then a tree is always not not a tree, absolutely, in all frames, universes, contingencies, whether or not any being exists to contemplate it in whatever phase of stupor he might think is appropriate for the said contemplation"

Ride in sort of a dismissive way agreed that it must be so.

"And now how constrained are those precious logical absolutes that I've heard so much nonsense about. Shiva himself is not not Shiva. Even if Shiva is still in the birth canal of whatever bore Shiva out of the void."

To which Ride smiled and gave him a mental attaboy.

They then both did their "Logical Absolutes are Highly Constrained In a Way We Favor" dance while waiting for Ride to slide into the next reality.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/12/12 @ 9:23am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Landfall...

A pack of dirt covered, ill- clothed babes see it arrive.

The MONOLITH!!!!

Landfall...

(baaaaaaaaaaaaa BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM)

( DUM DOM DUM DOM DUM DOM)

The babes go crazy!

(baaaaaaaaaaaaa BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM)

( DUM DOM DUM DOM DUM DOM)

One, more courageous than the rest goes near to it. retreats... closer.... retreats... closer...

Touches it!

( DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA....... DAAAAAAAAAA...... DOOOOOOOO DEEEEEEEEEE DUUUUUUUUUUUUM )

Grabs her head as if her brains hurt. Then fashions a red skrunchie from some leaves. Puts it in her hair!

( DOOOOOOOO DEEEEEEEEEE DUUUUUUUUUUUUM )

The others immediately recognize her as Heather 1, their alpha leader.

( DOOOOOOOO DEEEEEE DUUUUUUUUUUUUM)

Now they all go crazy and rush to touch the MONOLITH.

Each time one of them touches it, she gets an idea to make some new kind of clothing or makeup. One, after a long rubbing against it quickly throws together a salon and gives them all hair jobs starting with Heather 1.

( BAAAAAAAAA BAAAAAAAA BUUUUUUUUUUUM )

Now they go to the village next door which has kicked them out. The men take one look at them at kick the other coven out.

( DOOOOOOM DUM DOOOOOM DUM DOOOOOOOOM DUM)

Heather 1 takes a lipstick container out of her new purse and throws it into the air...

It spins...

It spins....

Spins....

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Created by: co_do_certa

7/14/12 @ 11:25am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the law.
Posts: 237

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

7/14/12 @ 11:33am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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*sleeps on soundly in her dreams of a kind woman's hands gently braiding her hair*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/14/12 @ 2:02pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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*Envisions the future of the 'monolith' being fated to be akin to the worn, forgotten, 'impotent' colossus in Shelley's "Ozymandias".* :evil

Pfffft. I don't know what Shelley was thinking.

In my mind, and the mind of all true adventurers, the Colossos still towers over Rhodes. No earthquake or thievery can remove it from its rightful place as a: WONDER OF THE EVER-LOVING WORLD!!!!!!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/14/12 @ 2:12pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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*sleeps on soundly in her dreams of a kind woman's hands gently braiding her hair*

lol It is a challenge to work this peaceful, happy image into one of gloom and despair. But I think we can do it. It just takes determination, my dear, just determination.

First it is only a dream. In reality the women both have to work hard just to get by. They have no time to relax. When they return at end of day they are too tired to lavish any precious time on such luxury. And as they slowly amass enough wealth to buy some pitiful semblance of freedom, their bodies start to fail from the maladies of age. Oh how they wish they could move their fingers but the pain, the pain.

But maybe these women are from the elite class. Young still. But their leisure rests upon the bones of the innocents they have devoured to maintain their precarious place in this existence. Perhaps one of them has married a rich man and then murdered him for the inheritance. Oh what a tangled web we weave when we strive to eke out such pleasures from unforgiving Life...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/15/12 @ 11:58pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Poppins: Owwwwww right then. What's goin' on 'ere? I see a bunch of very baaaaaaad people with some unacceptable attitudes!

Come on. ewwwwwwwwwww disgusting. Up on your hindies. Andaylay andalay. Veet Veet.

There is nothing like an 'onest day's wage for an 'onest day's work you know. You won't catch bees with spider webs.

( pweeee doooooo pwee pwee doooooo pweee pweeee pweeeeeeeeeeeeeee )

It's so lovely outside. You don't really want to spend your whole life in 'ere do yer? You are starting to look like those poor blighters you see in those "in the trenches of world war one" movies. You need to get rosy cheeks! A workaday attitude!

This country thrives on commerce! On industry! The sweat of your brow! The grease of your elbow!

I want this whole area spit spot. Spit spot I say!

(shiiiiiiiiwwwwwwwwshhhhhhhhh) Black widows! Shameful!

(shiiiiiisshshhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiishhhhh) Is that, was that, peanut butter? Soylent green is orange peels. Tell them. Soylent green is orange peels.

And would it k1ll you to open up these windows? (scrreeeeeeeech) Ouch! What the hell was that? It had ten legs I swear!

Where is the methiolate? Are those fangs? Where's your tweezers? Torniquet! Torniquet! My kingdom for a tourniquet!

( passes out )

***************************************************************

Don't worry she'll be all right. But the writing is on the wall. This thread has to close down before the public health board gets here and prosecutes us all.

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