Forum Topics
Female Performer Chat: Jokes and Other Silliness
I went to the doctors office the other day to find my family doctor had retired, his replacement is a beautiful female doctor so I was a bit nervous
she said: don't worry, Im very profesonal I have seen it all, just tell me whats wrong and Ill check it out
I said: My girlfriend thinks my cock tastes funny
OMG!! Love it! Bahahahahahaaaaa!!!javascript:insertEmoticon('
');
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she said: don't worry, Im very profesonal I have seen it all, just tell me whats wrong and Ill check it out
I said: My girlfriend thinks my cock tastes funny
OMG!! Love it! Bahahahahahaaaaa!!!javascript:insertEmoticon('
');
Quote
OMG!! Love it! Bahahahahahaaaaa!!!javascript:insertEmoticon('
');
hi guys keep the jokes goingmash fan
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Created by:
timbo-83
10/18/13 @ 6:42pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. 'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.' The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating. The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.' He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!
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Created by:
wangzilla
10/18/13 @ 6:57pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: the ocean just off shore of Japan
Posts: 6
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on."
The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.
The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!" Quote
The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.
The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!" Quote
Ok...here's one I got from a member in my room recently (a little dark, but I like dark humor)....
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker. Quote
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker. Quote
Ok...here's one I got from a member in my room recently (a little dark, but I like dark humor)....
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker.
Deff my favorite one!!! Made my day. Quote
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker.
Deff my favorite one!!! Made my day. Quote
Created by:
timbo-83
10/19/13 @ 2:31pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
Ok...here's one I got from a member in my room recently (a little dark, but I like dark humor)....
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker.
glad you said it and not me
Quote
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
????
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker.
glad you said it and not me
Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
10/19/13 @ 3:48pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
Created by:
suggs
10/19/13 @ 6:00pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768
A girl came up to me in a bar last night, all coy with her index finger on her cheek.
"Hi," she said shyly. "Do you come here often?"
"No, but I'd love to!" I laughed.
She frowned.
"Sorry," I replied, "I thought you were pointing to your face." Quote
"Hi," she said shyly. "Do you come here often?"
"No, but I'd love to!" I laughed.
She frowned.
"Sorry," I replied, "I thought you were pointing to your face." Quote
Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user
Help-desk : double click on My Computer.
Lady : I cant see your computer..
Help-desk : No .. Click on My Computer on your computer.
Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!
Help-desk : There is an icon labelled My Computer on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ?
.....))))))))))
Boy is watching TV Show and crying. His dad enters room.
Dad: Why are you crying son?
Son: Justin Bieber got shot!
Dad: Don't worry its only on TV!
Son: Thats why I'm crying!
mwahahahahahah
Quote
Help-desk : double click on My Computer.
Lady : I cant see your computer..
Help-desk : No .. Click on My Computer on your computer.
Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!
Help-desk : There is an icon labelled My Computer on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ?
.....
))))))))))Boy is watching TV Show and crying. His dad enters room.
Dad: Why are you crying son?
Son: Justin Bieber got shot!
Dad: Don't worry its only on TV!
Son: Thats why I'm crying!
mwahahahahahah
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hehe I love these...
"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"
"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop." Quote
"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"
"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop." Quote
2 sheep are in a beautiful green field grazing.
1 sheep stares into the distance while chewing on some fresh lush grass and says to the other sheep: "Do you know what I really would like to happen in my life, with all my heart my dear friend?"
The other sheep stares at him and says: " Shut the fuck up, sheep can't talk....stupid bitch".
Quote
1 sheep stares into the distance while chewing on some fresh lush grass and says to the other sheep: "Do you know what I really would like to happen in my life, with all my heart my dear friend?"
The other sheep stares at him and says: " Shut the fuck up, sheep can't talk....stupid bitch".
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MEOW. JUST MEOW, OK? Have a happy day. Jump in a puddle. Poop on your neighbor's lawn. Do something DIFFERENT.
Make life interesting...fer Chrissssst saaakes (last part said w/a thick NY accent).
Since this isn't a joke, I guess it falls under "other silliness".
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Make life interesting...fer Chrissssst saaakes (last part said w/a thick NY accent).
Since this isn't a joke, I guess it falls under "other silliness".
Quote
Created by:
timbo-83
1/15/14 @ 4:45pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Debbie. They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex all the time, Debbie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Bob and Tom's resistance to natures urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So... they buried Debbie.
Quote
After several years of casual sex all the time, Debbie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Bob and Tom's resistance to natures urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So... they buried Debbie.
Quote
Created by:
timbo-83
1/15/14 @ 4:49pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
Quote
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
Quote
Created by:
timbo-83
1/18/14 @ 9:10pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, a little old man came by. The son said, "Oh Dad, there's one!"
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
A little while later, along came a very large man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat on that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, an absolutely gorgeous woman came past them. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one, Dad. Let's eat her!"
"No," said the father. "We will not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son. "She's not too skinny, she's not too fat. She's just right!"
"Right," the father replied. "We're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Quote
Before long, a little old man came by. The son said, "Oh Dad, there's one!"
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
A little while later, along came a very large man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat on that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, an absolutely gorgeous woman came past them. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one, Dad. Let's eat her!"
"No," said the father. "We will not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son. "She's not too skinny, she's not too fat. She's just right!"
"Right," the father replied. "We're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Quote
Created by:
timbo-83
1/18/14 @ 9:36pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: an un-special person, in an un-special place
Posts: 431
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came
here in the first place." Quote
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came
here in the first place." Quote
Created by:
amanda_fucking_palmer
1/25/14 @ 7:46pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793
