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Forums / Female Performer Chat

Tribute To Babar
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Female Performer Chat: Tribute To Babar
Morgana Layfaye
Created by: Morgana Layfaye

7/14/09 @ 12:03am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

********************************Breaking News*************************************
***************************************************************************************


Ladies and Gentlemen this just in........ the once Famous Elephant Bitterly known as Dumbos Extreme Great Uncle Babar
Passed away this evening at 11:59pm. can we all please ...........oh wait I am sorry...sadly mistaken... it was not I repeat was not Babar it was in fact Dumbo himself... may we please have a moment of silence........
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/15/09 @ 8:22am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; I don't know why. Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000.
All sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He's carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, and crunches the elephants balls pretty badly. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000.
Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest. He'd never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, "no." Same deal as before: $10 per entry, $50,000 prize. Lots of people try and fail.
Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, "Remember me?"
The elephant nods yes.
The man says holds up his bat and says, "Want me to use this again?"
The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....
:orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/16/09 @ 2:40pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!!
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.
"What the %$*& is so funny?" asked one of the scientist.
"You should have seen the monkey's face trying to get the cork back in!!!"
:orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh
Quote
Brintney James
Created by: Brintney James

7/16/09 @ 2:53pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

Mr. Snuffalupagus

is he or isnt he ?

:offtopic
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/17/09 @ 1:10am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

In the jungle there was once this elephant and a snake. They had a bitter rivalry about who was smarter. So the wise owl (who was their arbitrator) set each of them a test. To the elephant he posed the problem of catching or snookering the snake; the snake, on the other hand, had to surprise and astound the elephant.
Next day the snake crept up on the elephant; and within a blink of an eye slithered up the elephant's trunk. The snake wriggled and wriggled up the trunk, into the esophegus, down into the stomach, through the intestines, and a minute later popped out of the elephant's arse, and said 'BOO!'
The elephant, clearly astounded, asked the snake to do it again; this was truly a remarkable feat, and wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
So the snake wiped himself on some grass, and slithered once more up the trunk, slipping and sliding through the elephant's digestive tract.
When the snake emerged a minute later, covered in shit, from the elephant's rectum, the elephant shoved his trunk up his ass and said 'Snookered!'
Quote
Created by: lickau

7/17/09 @ 1:14am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

An elephant joke is a joke, almost always an absurd riddle or conundrum and often a sequence of such, that involves an elephant. Elephant jokes were a fad in the 1960s, with many people constructing large numbers of them according to a set formula. Sometimes they involve parodies or puns



Two examples of elephant jokes are:
Q: How can you tell that an elephant is in the bathtub with you?
A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the footprints in the butter

History
Elephant jokes first appeared in the United States in 1962. They were first recorded in the Summer of 1962 in Texas, and gradually spread across the U.S., reaching California in January/February 1963. By July 1963, elephant jokes were ubiquitous and could be found in newspaper columns, and in TIME and Seventeen magazines, with millions of people working to construct more jokes according to the same formula.

Both elephant jokes and Tom Swifties were in vogue in 1963, and were reported in the U.S. national press. Whilst the appeal of Tom Swifties was to literate adults, and gradually faded over subsequent decades, the appeal of elephant jokes was mainly to children, and has lasted. Elephant jokes began circulation primarily amongst schoolchildren, and have been discovered afresh by subsequent generations of children, remaining, in Isaac Asimov's words "favourites of youngsters and of unsophisticated adults".

Asimov discusses one particular elephant joke that he states is notable for the exceptional sophistication of its humour. The joke was told in the aftermath of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald by Jack Ruby, who had walked into Dallas police headquarters carrying a gun, and, in Asimov's words, whilst still maintaining the absurdity necessary for elephant jokes "carried a quick overtone of chill rationality"

Q: What did the Dallas chief of police say when the elephant walked into the police station?
A: Nothing! He didn't notice.
A track on the 1978 album by The Goodies, The Goodies Beastly Record (Columbia Records), is titled simply 'Elephant Joke Song', and consists of the three comedians trading appropriately corny elephant jokes in cod-Rastafarian accents over a reggae groove. A sample joke from the track...

Q: Why do elephants have big ears?
A: Because Noddy would not pay the ransom!



Structure
Elephant jokes rely upon absurdity and incongruity for their humour, and a contrast with the normal presumptions of knowledge about elephants. They rely upon absurdist reasoning such as that the only way to detect an elephant in one's bathtub or in one's refrigerator is by the smell of its breath, or by the presence of footprints in the butter; such as that an elephant would be found dressed in a nun's habit; or such as that an elephant could climb a cherry tree, that an elephant would paint its toenails, and that simply painting its toenails in turn would be sufficient in order to camouflage it. However, this reasoning is not outright nonsense, and elephant jokes do contain a small core of conventional logic. Although that is not the primary method of distinguishing them, elephants and prunes do differ in colour. If painting an elephant's toenails were a camouflage mechanism, red would be the appropriate colour for a cherry tree. Black, white, and grey would be the colours of an elephant dressed in a nun's habit, and not the colours of an elephant dressed in some other form of costume

Elephant jokes are often parodies of conventional children's riddles. In conventional riddles, the answer to the riddle is usually a well-known item, such as an egg. In elephant jokes, the answer to the riddle is something that is usually outlandish or absurd, and impossible for those who do not know the punchline to guess, such as Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup

Ritchie describes elephant jokes as comprising double frame shifts. The joke about the elephant in the bathtub comprises first a frame shift from a realistic frame ("in which an elephant could not possibly be found anywhere near my bathtub") to a fantasy frame; and then, in the punchline, a second frame shift in which the fantasy is in its turn logically subverted by the idea that "none of the obvious attributes of elephants (e.g. size and color) is deemed relevant, and the salience of a totally secondary association with eating peanuts is increased". He states that the humour of elephant jokes derives in part from the contradiction between "the logical and expected schema-driven answer" to the riddle, and the actual absurd punchline.

Elephant jokes usually comprise a series of connected riddles, rather than a single standalone riddle. The series usually compounds the absurdity, with succeeding riddles in the joke undermining the logical structures that are implied by the answers in the preceding ones. For examples:

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
And:

Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant?
A: Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
Similarly:

Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?
A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.[1]
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can't close the door.
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.
Elephant jokes thus not only deliberately undermine the conventions of riddles, they even act to undermine themselves. This even extends to undermining the implied premise, expected by those that are familiar with elephant jokes, that an elephant joke is automatically illogical, or even involves elephants at all. For example:

Q: What do elephants have that nothing else has?
A: Baby elephants.
Q: What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse going on vacation.
Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse coming back from vacation.
Q: What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?
A: Two elephants.
There can even be an off-color tinge:

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
A: Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.
Q: Why are golf balls small and white?
A: Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.
One time Gong Show act Mike Elephant is remembered for the following joke:

Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
A: Their color.
Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Here come the elephants.
Q: What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming?
A: Here come the plums; she was color blind.

[edit] Symbolism
Elephant jokes are seen by many commentators as symbolic of the culture of the United States and the UK in the 1960s. Oring notes that elephant jokes dismiss conventional questions and answers, repudiate established wisdom, and reject the authority of traditional knowledge. He draws a parallel between this and the counterculture of the 1960s, stating that "disestablishment was the purpose of both," pointing to the sexual revolution and noting that "[p]erhaps it was no accident that many of the elephant jokes emphasized the intrusion of sex into the most innocuous areas.

Abrahams and Dundes, in their paper On elephantasy and elephanticide, consider elephant jokes to be convenient disguises for racism, and symbolised the nervousness of white people about the civil rights movement. Whilst blatantly racialist jokes became less acceptable, elephant jokes were a useful proxy. Abrahams and Dundes take the joke

Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
and state that the "big and grey and comes in quarts" is in fact a reference "to the supposed mammoth nature of black sexuality." Similarly, the joke about an elephant in the bathtub is argued to be a reference to the increased intrusion of black people into "the most intimate areas of white life.

Oring strongly disagrees with this view, writing: "The Civil Rights movement, of course, was an integral part of the countercultural revolution. But there is no reason to view it as the single force conditioning the joke cycle. Much more than the relations between the races was being turned on its ear. Reducing elephant jokes to a mere front for racial aggression, it seems to me, not only misses the larger sense of what the jokes are about, but the larger sense of what was going on in the society at the time." and continuing: "Elephant joking is more than a description of the episodic career of an animal with a phallic nose. What engenders the humor in such jokes is the violation of categories of expectation, and not images of subjugation, degradation, or feminization of the elephant.

Gruner agrees with Oring that Abrahams' and Dundes' explanation (that "the elephant is an ambivalent father figure" that is, in reality, "the black man (perceived as a sexual threat) that stands hidden behind the image of the elephant") is an "explanation from Freudian Monsterland [that] holds no water.

Gruner however disagrees with Oring about the chronological topicality of the elephant joke and its relation to social upheavals, arguing from personal experience of "one of the best motion picture sight gags in history", where Jimmy Durante in the 1962 movie Billy Rose's Jumbo is attempting to sneak an elephant unseen through a circus. Upon coming around a tent and being faced with a crowd of people and a policeman who demands "Where do you think you are you going with that elephant?" Durante backs against the elephant, arms wide, and asks, innocently, "What elephant?" Gunder proposes that the success of this sight gag spawned in comic writers the idea of "hiding the elephant by all sorts of ridiculous means," and thus, by extension to "other silly, stupid comparisons", the whole genre of elephant jokes
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/18/09 @ 9:49pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

A lady while dining at Crewe,
Found an elephant's whang in her stew,
Said the waiter,"don't shout, and don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too!!"
Quote
Created by: lickau

7/19/09 @ 5:03am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

Best:

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Bloody great holes all over Australia.



Worst:
How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
Grapes are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Voila les elephants!"

What did Jane say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (She was color blind.)

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color blind?
Dance on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Why did the elephants wear sunglasses?
With all these dumb jokes going around, would YOU want to be recognized?

What did Tarzan say when he saw the water buffalo coming over the hill?
"Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

What did Tarzan say as he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing pink tee-shirts?
"They must all be on the same team."

What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan coming over the hill?
Nothing, elephants can't talk.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/21/09 @ 6:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

Two elephants - Harry & Faye
Couldn't kiss with their trunks in the way
So they boarded a plane
They're now kissing in Maine
Cause their trunks got sent to L.A.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/23/09 @ 11:50pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. :orglaugh :orglaugh
Quote
Created by: lickau

7/24/09 @ 12:12am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. :orglaugh :orglaugh


I nominate fake Suggs74 to walk behind them :evil
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/24/09 @ 5:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/26/09 @ 5:48pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

If an elephant always remembers, what animal always forgets?
An owl; it's always saying, "Who? who?'

If an elephant crosses the road, rolls in the mud and crosses back again, what is it?
A dirty double-crosser.

If storks bring human babies, what bring baby elephants?
Cranes.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/30/09 @ 5:21am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

Why is an elephant's trunk in front?
To keep him from putting peanuts in the wrong end.

Why shouldn't you grab an elephant by his tail?
It may only be his tail, but it could be your end.

Why shouldn't you tell an elephant a joke while you are skating?
The ice might crack up.

Why was the elephant hiding behind a blade of grass?
He was playing hide and seek.

Why wasn't the elephant allowed on the plane?
Because his trunk wouldn't fit under the seat.

Why were the elephants the last to leave the Ark?
They were busy packing their trunks.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/31/09 @ 3:29am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

What do you get if you cross an elephant with an Axminster carpet?
A great big pile in your living room.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with an insect?
A forget-me-gnat.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with an orange?
Orange squash.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with Dracula?
An animal that sucks your blood through its trunk.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with peanut butter?
An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth; or peanut butter with a long memory.

What do you get if you cross the Alps with an elephant?
A sore bottom!

What do you get if you cross the M1 with an elephant?
Run over.

What do you get if you cross the Underground with an elephant?
Blocked Tubes.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

7/31/09 @ 8:12pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

How do you hire an elephant?
Put a brick under each foot.

How do you keep an elephant from smelling?
Tie a knot in his trunk.

How do you know if an elephant is visiting your house?
His bicycle will be parked outside.

How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

How do you make a banana laugh?
Tell it an elephant joke.

How do you make an elephant float?
Take 2 scoops of ice cream and add one elephant...

How do you make an elephant fly?
Buy it an airline ticket.

How do you make an elephant fly?
Well you start with a 6-ft. zip!

How do you make an elephant laugh?
Tell it a banana joke.

How do you make an elephant laugh?
Tickle its ivories.
Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

8/21/09 @ 12:37am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

A small girl visits the zoo for the first time. Afterwards, she says to her mother,
'I saw the elephants.

What do you think they were doing?

Picking up peanuts with their vacuum cleaners.'
:orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh


A man was standing at the customs office with a large crate. 'Anything to declare? Jewellery?

Alcohol? Livestock, etc?' 'Nothing', replied the man.

They opened the crate, and there was an elephant with two slices of bread, one in each ear!

'I thought you said no livestock!' said the customs officer.

The man looked at him with an honest expression and replied: What's it to you what I have in my sandwiches?!'

Quote
G-Mann
Created by: g-mann

8/25/09 @ 6:34am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786

hfactor_
Created by: hfactor_

8/25/09 @ 11:28am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Hanging with the Princess
Posts: 1,102

what does a elephant use for a tampon?

a sheep

hey, don't kill the messenger :smoking :smoking
Quote
Created by: lickau

8/25/09 @ 11:45am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

what does a elephant use for a tampon?
a sheep
hey, don't kill the messenger :smoking :smoking


:orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh :orglaugh
Quote
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