Mary had a little skirt,
with splits right up the sides,
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt,
was split right up the front

�But she didn�t wear that one often.



Liked this one, little Jack Horner, and spider spider


Thanks for the laughs Amicu Quote

Simon Cowell !!



Thankfully Nashville Star ain't desperate


The old Nashville cowboy was burdened with time
He was bent by his years and the fight with the wine
With a head full of music and an OLD NURSERY RHYME
A heart full of sadness and dark sunken eyes
He told me they'd cheated
He told me they'd stole
The strength from his youth
And the songs from his soul
He said he was family
Until he got too old
He called them miners
And Mother Lode finders
Diggin' so deep in search
Of more gold

Oh where are the cowboys
And the home on the range
Does anyone know that they've killed Jesse James
Now the good guys on TV seem bad
Ain't it strange
And the old Nashville cowboys
Missed out on the change

The old cowboy's life now
Is gone with the past
Like the whiskey he drank
It all went down too fast
He didn't know how to make each swallow last
And his waitress won't be back to fill up his glass

Oh where are the cowboys
And the home on the range
Does anyone know that they've killed Jesse James
Is anyone listenin'
Or is everyone blind
Them old Nashville cowboys will sing for a time
And hard times are cheap
At the end of the line


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner,
Trying to concentrate...
But Little Jill Malone wouldn't leave him alone
as she wanted to fornicate!
How can Jack study, with such a naughty buddy
His marks are getting podgy
Except, as you guessed, he's at his best
When they're studying biology!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet,
Heaven knows what that is!
Me like a fool, thought it was a stool
Don't know on what basis !!

A look in the dictionary, gives this commentary
Its a tuft, a tussock or mound !
while again I look, for those in the book
Muffet, with curds stuffed, gets round !!


Quote

Quote

These are a little different from what I remember...

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
******************************************************




You have to be old enough to appreciate this.
If you don't understand, it is because you are too young.


" RHYMES "...Oooops !



Quote

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
every creature was sleeping, even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead,
Santa passed out with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons covered the floor,
while upstairs the family continued to snore.


And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a little white truck with an oversize mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand,
the patch on his jacket said US POST-MAN.
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox,
then quickly stuffed them into our box.

Bill after bill and still they all came,
whistling and counting he called them by name.
Now Dillard�s, now Broadway, now Penny�s and Sears,
here�s Levitz and Target and Mervyn�s�.all here.
To the top of your limit, every store, every mall,
now chargeaway, chargeaway, chargeaway all!!

He chuckled and whistled as he finished his work,
he filled up the box, then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
driving much faster with just half of a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
�ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT�.YOU�LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!!�
Quote

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
every creature was sleeping, even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead,
Santa passed out with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons covered the floor,
while upstairs the family continued to snore.


And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a little white truck with an oversize mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand,
the patch on his jacket said US POST-MAN.
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox,
then quickly stuffed them into our box.

Bill after bill and still they all came,
whistling and counting he called them by name.
Now Dillard�s, now Broadway, now Penny�s and Sears,
here�s Levitz and Target and Mervyn�s�.all here.
To the top of your limit, every store, every mall,
now chargeaway, chargeaway, chargeaway all!!

He chuckled and whistled as he finished his work,
he filled up the box, then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
driving much faster with just half of a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
�ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT�.YOU�LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!!�




exactly !!!

Quote

Hahahaha!!!

Well i don't know all the original ones, but they still make sense and are really damn funny!

Thanks for the laugh guys and D9.... for coming up with the thread!



oh... before i forget:

HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE!!! Quote

**VIEWER'S DISCRETION ADVISED**

Was just thinking about DICE back in the day. He was a funny motherfucker. Here's some of his classic nursery rhymes...ENJOY!



Hickory Dickory Dock.
My balls fell out of my jock.
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock.

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Then you'll suck my dick.

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That's more than my lazy wife does,
The fat, fuckin' smelly baboon

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass.
It woke up the spider
Who lived deep inside her.
He said "Hey, free electric and gas."

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her.
Jill said No / and Jack said So
I'll ram it in your dumper.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Will she blow me in the car.
I bought her dinner, she had fun.
My balls are boiling, I'd like to cum.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack.
The cupboard was bare,
She didn't despair.
She let Rover munch on her crack

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
Whacked off in the movie theater.
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Jack and Betty, up in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo from Betty's crack.

Little Boy Blue -
He needed the money.

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit
And ate his own shit
And washed it down with some tea.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' whore.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's too damn hairy

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
When she bent over,
Her Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own.

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
Your mother's a whore,
And I ain't your pop.

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head
Fucked her ass and went to bed

Little jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie.
He shit pepperoni,
Then blew his friend Tony,
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girl friends twat.

Three blind mice, see how they run
Where the fuck are they going?

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow.

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick.

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake,
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her backyard.
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard.

Doe, a deer, a female deer.
Ray, the guy that fucked her ass.

Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub.
Faggots have threesomes, too-
So fuckin' what.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I fucked your mother's ass
And she had you.


HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!

YOU ALL Quote

jack and jill went up da hill so jack could lick jills candy, but jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, because jills real name was randy.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
Little Bo Peep was giving him head
As he came, she started to weep
She could tell by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again. Quote

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The mouse ran down
His @rse was brown
And so was the cuckoos c0ck
Quote

Mary Had a Little Twat,
a Teeny Weeny Hole,
But Johnny Couldn't Fit in,
His Massive Manly Pole.

He Sucked Her Tit,
Licked Her Clit,
Tried 2 Squeeze it in,

Nothing Seemed 2 Work 4 Him,
He Just Couldn't Fucking Win!

So Mary Drank a Lot of Wine,
She Smoked a Bit Of Grass,

And Just as She Was Passing Out,
He slipped it Up Her Ass!!! Quote

Cars'll pass,
See 'em glisten,
Hear 'em crash
If you listen;
A horrible sight,
Tow trucks best night,
Drivin' in a winter wonderland.

Take a look, stars are bright out.
No, I think it's a white-out.
We'll spin and we'll swerve
Pray we make the curve,
Drivin' in a winter wonderland.

In the left lane someone built a snowman,
We'll pretend that he's a circus clown;
Ask me if I'll stop and I'll say "No, man!
I'm gonna mow the mother****er down!"

Later on, we'll perspire,
As we change the flat tire;
We'll argue and bitch,
'Cause we're in the ditch,
From drivin' in a winter wonderland.



Merry Christmas y'all Quote