Westerly Winds

The East winds bring scents of the nearby river, the forest and wet leaves recently fallen,
the smells of Autumn, close and rich, the odors of highways, cities, and beyond,
is the ocean, and our histories far flung and foreign.

The North wind brings the onset of our Winter, snows, and ice, my feet frozen.
Once again, for lack of your warmth; wandering solitary and longing.
Survival tight clasped, to my breast, as I follow.

The breezes from the South, warm and sweet, summer sand and salt clad,
never to be felt, soft on my skin again; linger in my love
of our shared pajamas; never to argue again, top or bottom.

West wind, blows, in gasps and sighs, forever carries memories of you
with the orient behind, smells of the wide fields, mountains, Texas dust,
the wet of the forests, once our grand lust. Wester� today, I taste its
flavor, find you asleep still, dreaming my weather.

And soon, lost girl, the winds will shift, with North and West winds combining,
hard cutting, and memory crushing; a stinging rebuke to love. At that time,
no flowers to bear, I�ll wander again, searching for where, my bled dry
heart, can recline in snows; never knowing, how you grow.

� Amanda 2011
10/20/2011
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grrr too late and i thought "ohhh there's the perfect video to go with that bit of rhyme"


Lykke Li - I follow Rivers
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It had come to this...

She had laughed at him... The whole room had laughed at him... What had he done to desoiv this disrespect? I mean, is a 1 minute private so unusual? Does haste really make waste?

Oh she was adored. The apple of many's eye. (you know Many, with that shop down on 32nd) But now her time was up. It was time... for... the Death Private.

Tinny trumpets belted out d' March d'Mort (d' March d'Earl just didn't seem appropriate). He wore a black band around his beefy arm. Dark sunglasses covered his Sicilian hell pits.

A ring laden finger stood ready to punch the "Let's End Dis in Private" button. He had all the... accoutrements. A death aria blared... mixing with d'March... annoying the fuck out of him... even more!

He punched the button. Entered the room...

She begged... She pleaded... She showed respect...

But it was all too late... His heart was now too cold... All humanity had left his features, probably through his ears.

He pulled the metaphorical trigger. He dealt the mortal blow. He terminated their relationship. He put the kabash on her shift.

Beware... beware the man with the shade covered hell pits!

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It had come to this...

She had laughed at him... The whole room had laughed at him... What had he done to desoiv this disrespect? I mean, is a 1 minute private so unusual? Does haste really make waste?

Oh she was adored. The apple of many's eye. (you know Many, with that shop down on 32nd) But now her time was up. It was time... for... the Death Private.

Tinny trumpets belted out d' March d'Mort (d' March d'Earl just didn't seem appropriate). He wore a black band around his beefy arm. Dark sunglasses covered his Sicilian hell pits.

A ring laden finger stood ready to punch the "Let's End Dis in Private" button. He had all the... accoutrements. A death aria blared... mixing with d'March... annoying the fuck out of him... even more!

He punched the button. Entered the room...

She begged... She pleaded... She showed respect...

But it was all too late... His heart was now too cold... All humanity had left his features, probably through his ears.

He pulled the metaphorical trigger. He dealt the mortal blow. He terminated their relationship. He put the kabash on her shift.

Beware... beware the man with the shade covered hell pits!





Dudley, you do See. Sometimes I just read you and feel you Know. Quote

Illuminated

Time waits for no one
So do you want to waste some time?
Oh, oh tonight
Don't be afraid of tomorrow
Just take my hand
I'll make it feel so much better tonight

Suddenly my eyes are open
Everything comes into focus, oh
We are all illuminated
Lights are shining on our faces, blinding

Swing me these sorrows
And try delusion for a while
It's such a beautiful night
You've got to lose inhibition
Romance your ego for a while
Come on, give it a try

Suddenly my eyes are open
Everything comes into focus, oh
We are all illuminated
Lights are shining on our faces, blinding

We are, we are blinding
We are, we are blinding

Suddenly my eyes are open
Everything comes into focus, oh
We are all illuminated
Lights are shining on our faces, blinding

We are, we are blinding
We are, we are blinding


� Hurts 2010
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Dudley, you do See. Sometimes I just read you and feel you Know.



I got the shine honey child... just like Jack. There is no more empathetic being this side of the date line.

The trouble is that my soul traps light like a black hole... and my core temperature makes all molecular motion grind to a halt.

So don't walk too near... I suspect you are made of different matter. Quote

The Recommendation

I walk into the bar. It�s a place up the Island, where the New Yorkers, while still having their loud voices, turned so very hard for my ears, that make me feel their hidden anger instantly, are somehow, kinder. The club has a reputation in this more forgiving part of the area. There are men here, and women, together and apart; couples that one day with the law�s change soon will marry, or not. No one pauses to look at me as I slide through the closing doors behind the two men together in front of me. I�m just another human here, not an object of curiosity.

It�s attractive inside, not too dark, not glaring bright; no kitschy neon displays, lovely flowers here and there, and local art on the walls, some so very lovely. To slow my breath, and calm my racing heart I stop and look at a painting of a beautiful woman, in a dark violet dress, leaning on a huge black Harley on the wall just inside the bar. I turn slowly and look around the room. There�s not too much of a crowd yet, it�s still early for drinking and dancing though it�s already dark outside. I eye the bar, and remind myself how weak I have become to drink. There�s a section for dancing, and a few couples are there moving to the song playing. The guys at the bar, and the single girl, are all smiling and talking animatedly, but not loudly, with the girl making and serving drinks. She�s a little older than I am, I can see that by the smile lines and softening of her skin; and she�s laughing along with something the girl and the guy sitting in front of her have said.

Relaxing more, about being here, about being alone; I walk quietly and carefully to the last barstool and slide up on it, my feet dangling like a child�s. I turn myself, crossing my ankles to hide how diminutive I am. The woman tending bar drifts down and looks long at me, �What will you have?� she asks. I look down at the bar to avoid her scrutiny, wondering if she�s judging my inclination, or the color of my hair. �Diet Coke?� I say. �Be right back� I get. It�s cold outside now, so my hoodie is zipped, it would be zipped anyway, to conceal more of me. The dress here is relaxed and ranges from jeans, like mine, to some suits, and dresses from stores in the Hampton's, fine and woven, and wrapped tightly around women�s bodies. There are two girls together, in leather; and a guy with the same, though his partner�s got the �yuppie crazed� look about him.

The bartender is back and I can see that she�s got her ears gauged. She slides the glass on a napkin across and says �Tab or cash girl?� I peer up from under my eyebrows and smile and push a ten dollar bill at her, it�s squished up from my clutching it in my fi'st. �Keep the change� I whisper to her. She smiles and takes the ten spot and drifts back up the bar checking on drinks. The two guys beside me are busily affirming their agreement on a choice of color for something, so I turn and look at the rest of the place. �You can do this Mandy� I murmur in my head. I remember her telling me, what seems like forever ago, �You deserve to be happy, and there are lots of nice places there, people who won�t care. I�ve mailed you a list.� I deserve to be happy. This is a nice place. No one cares. I watch the two couples dancing to a slow, moving K.D. Lang song, one a tall guy with his red headed female partner, there are wedding bands. The other couple is a pair of what look like college girls to me, so y0ung and fresh and expecting only wonderful things in their years ahead. I stop staring at them and look at the furnishings, nice wood gleaming, clean and brown; more art on the deep green walls, indirect lighting, a few candles on tables, more flowers. I�m beginning to feel alright. I deserve to be happy. This is a nice place. How long had she studied it online to decide that? She�d always been so fast and smart about things. I shake my head and turn back to the bar and let the diet coke tickle my nose, sucking an ice cube into my mouth. �No one cares.�

The back of the bar is pretty standard, no mirror though, I like a place with a mirror where I can study what�s what without being seen. A large gold framed painting of piles of flowers in an Impressionist style is on the wall. Lots of bottles gleaming from under lighting on their glass shelves, blenders, jugs of mix, bar cloths casually folded and placed in stacks. The bartender is back. �Need a refill? Can I get you something to eat?� She�s tempting me with a small menu, but I shyly shake my head in a small negative gesture, and smile at her. No one cares. This place is nice. I deserve to be happy. She smiles back and steps back with her hands on her waist, �I have never met you have I? Well, I�m Rose, and this is my place. What do you think?� I�m nervous again, and push the need to turn and run out of my head. �Hello Rose, I�m;� and I pause to think what name to use now. �I�m Amanda, it is lovely here. I like it very much.� �I deserve to be happy, no one will care.� I chant in my head. �How�d you hear about us or did you just stop by chance?� she asks. My mind travels back and my expression must have changed. �I only ask because I have spent some time and money promoting this place� she says. �Oh, a friend, she,� and I eye the diet coke and study the ice in it, remembering the winter when �she looked you up on the internet, and� I touch the surface of the glass, where even with the dry late fall air, there are drops of condensation forming; �she told me of it� I finish in a rush.

Rose smiles and gleams a little at me �Oh I did the web design myself; I used to work in �the City� doing that sort of thing� she finishes proudly. I nod quietly and study my fingernails. Rose takes the clue and saying �Nice to have you here� drifts back down the bar. �Nobody cares. This is a nice place.� My mantra works its charm and I turn to look again at the dance area. I�m pleased to see more people are up; a moving crowd can conceal so well. The pair of guys next to me gets up and I study one of them, he�s a bit older than the other, with just a trace of gray starting in his hair. They move toward the guy channeling the music, and the y0ung one leans over to the �deejay� and passes him some cash and I see his mouth moving. The deejay leans into his microphone and in a quiet deep voice says �Tonight is Brad�s birthday, and Jay would like to play this song for him, it�s an older tune, but I know some of you will recognize it.� A few of the crowd clap, mostly the male couples but the pair of leather girls too. �So, it�s a community, people who live here, not visitors or tourists� �You�ll like some of these places, please go out and meet some people.� I remember the email, glowing on the screen in front of me, so long ago. �Forever� I think. I like this place. I am happy. No one cares.

And I hear the crickets, and then the voices repeating the nonsense sound that makes my heart clench, and I feel my upper teeth grip my lip, and I know that; �and we go Doot, Doot Doot� and it�s over for me, and the tears are out, and my face is tight and frozen, and I�m moving quickly. I liked that place. No one knew. Now they care. And I�m moving through the cold air, and I�m lost in the boy and the girl, and the impossibility of them, and of us.

� Amanda 2011

Lyrics � Fruer 1983

Cover photo: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/night-photography-techniques.html
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So don't walk too near... I suspect you are made of different matter.



But our paths are faaaaaaaar away for quite a while I feel safe :smokin Quote

Lessons from Wednesday -

Wednesday: Want some lemonade?

Snooty girl scout: I only drink lemonade made from real lemons. Those real lemons?

Wednesday: Yes. Can I buy some girl scout cookies?

scout: Sure. How many boxes?

Wednesday: Are they made from real girl scouts?

----

Snooty girl: Why are you dressed like that? Nobody died.

Wednesday: Wait.

-----

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The Goodbye Letter



It's hardest to be the monster and the human, the girl and the boy at the same time.

We talked about your dream, you talked a lot about the details of it, what things looked like, about the people, the girl with Down�s, the wig, its color and style. I made some general comments to draw you out, and I asked a couple questions to get at things I thought might be going on. That you remembered it is important. You did as I suggested about the significance of color and emotions it evokes. I was surprised that you did but I think it was a good thing for you to do. Emotion isn�t based on thinking, it�s a physical thing, and most of dreams, is emotion, not thinking; that�s my experience.

The only important thinking thing I gave you, has been said by so many, in so many fields; I was sort of surprised that you hadn�t heard it before, since you�ve worked with and around artistic people so much; it is expressed in a number of ways, the simplest is what I told you there, in your room. I suspect you have heard it before, but *shrug* perhaps never saw the importance?

Dreams, like writing is for me, are all imagination. We use bits of reality to let our imaginations loose. So that all of the dream, it�s you; each person, each item, is there as you, some bit or part that�s needing attention, or needing expression. You as yourself, comforting but angered, the Down�s girl as a victim of cruel people. Her wig, the color, the style, and the train; I have no idea what those are of you, I have suspicions, but they�d all be me and not you.

Freud, while interesting in his cataloging and interrelating of symbols, was vastly in error, I believe, in thinking that they could be concrete in application. They might be significant, as he described them for a moment or two, or with a specific person, but he always seemed to forget, in his excitement, that he was inventing himself in his own guided dream. It is never the concrete; it is how the concrete feels.

I love knowing that you are well, it's why I came; my need to know that life was and is moving forward with you in its flow. I miss you to, but you know that. I often wonder about you, I had hoped you wouldn't forget, but there's pain in knowing you haven't.

I know, that for whatever reason, whatever accident of need and timing and simple being, that I love you. That is now of little or no appreciable importance between us. It is now me, as myself, guiding my own dream.

The monster and the human, the boy and the girl, we love you so.
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Lessons from Wednesday -

Wednesday: Want some lemonade?

Snooty girl scout: I only drink lemonade made from real lemons. Those real lemons?

Wednesday: Yes. Can I buy some girl scout cookies?

scout: Sure. How many boxes?

Wednesday: Are they made from real girl scouts?

----

Snooty girl: Why are you dressed like that? Nobody died.

Wednesday: Wait.

-----




Boo-hooo... Am so scared!... *showing you flippantly ignoring tongue*
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Boo-hooo... Am so scared!... *showing you flippantly ignoring tongue*




hmmm.. perhaps if it were in Polish? Quote

hmmm.. perhaps if it were in Polish?



Hm?... :-o

I dooon't understand boooo lol Quote

Volsung Private

Then came Hargarth to the white armed one's room. Long waited he in the shadows for the taking time. Caroused all but he. Doused in drink fog. The room reeled and jigged.

Holmike spun and tossed the model chastising blade into the brooding one's lap. Clan rose as one and entered.

To grow old is the worst fate. The Fates laughed merrily to see this spared for one. The Dark One's eye gleamed bright and fierce. His crop would grow much in this action.

The blood debt was settled before the clock wound down. Bravely fought but valiently lost. Only the clan remained... much decimated.

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sweet green eyed madman, i love it.
*scratches Odin under his furry chin* Quote

Lessons from Wednesday -

Wednesday: Want some lemonade?

Snooty girl scout: I only drink lemonade made from real lemons. Those real lemons?

Wednesday: Yes. Can I buy some girl scout cookies?

scout: Sure. How many boxes?

Wednesday: Are they made from real girl scouts?

----

Snooty girl: Why are you dressed like that? Nobody died.

Wednesday: Wait.

-----





U been watching The Aadams Family? Quote

sweet green eyed madman, i love it.
*scratches Odin under his furry chin*



( closest emoticon to devious one-eyed man(?) ) Quote

U been watching The Aadams Family?



(BONG!!! GONG!!! BONG!!) (earthquake like shaking)

(ultra deep voice) You rang?


Halloween proverb: Let those who cut corpses beware of zombies with ... instruments... on this unholy night.

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Boo-hooo... Am so scared!... *showing you flippantly ignoring tongue*




mmmmmmmmm tongue. Goes good with crackers... Quote

mmmmmmmmm tongue. Goes good with crackers...



I think you are getting infected by Halloween Mood. I bet you are carving now your cute Pupmkin and preparing candies for kids



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