dudley_do_ride: The immortal Pepe Le Pew - 1/15/11 - Female Performer Chat

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The immortal Pepe Le Pew

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Female Performer Chat: The immortal Pepe Le Pew

Created by: dudley_do_ride

10/29/12 @ 10:46am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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( hearing the barking of the many hounds of the Augkegervilles )

Pepe: No gairl should have to deal weeth zeez creeteens on hair louv day.

( dials something into the keypad of his mobile phone )

An enormous shape suddenly fills the sky, casting a shadow over all the forest. The hounds quiet down a little and halt, looking skyward.

A ramp descends from the heavens and:

Dalek 1: Who the fuck called us here? Where is this emergency?

Dalek 2: It looks like a prank!

Dalek 3: Oh those fucking hounds. Those fucking hounds and their barking. EXTERMINATE!

All Daleks: EXTERMINATE!!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

Soon the forest is filled with explosions. Yipes of running hounds. Smoke. Fire.

Dalek 1: Look! The first robin of Spring. I don't like the look in his eye. EXTERMINATE!!!

All Daleks: EXTERMINATE!!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!!

A great while later... many whiles in fact... the forest is again calm and peaceful.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

10/30/12 @ 11:24am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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dum da dee de dum da de de dum waaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Ah mah frahnds... Eet eez ze morneen... whahn a young skonk's mahnd tairns to lourve. Mah quarrah has suffaird too long zeez naht.

You know ze weeman zay cannot pursue us vairay long. Zay are not made for zeez. Eet ees not in zere nahture. Zay are social creetures, zay are gathairairs. But evairay now and then zay need to feel gathaired.

(he starts his mile eating skunk trot)

( loudly )

Do naht fear my darleen. Pepe ees commeen for you now. Zee lonely nahts are no more. Zee lonely days are zetting. Prepaire to be gathaired at last, my leetle wun.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

10/31/12 @ 11:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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( continuing )

Roostaire: Coque eh dooDell dooDell cheri.

Woodpeckaire: le queNock le queNock

Badgaire: ehhhhhhhhhhh pees urfff.

Hamstaire: ah but we hamstaires make vairy few sounds.

Pepe: All of nahture ees awahk now ahnd ready to accompany our lourve. Ze stage ees zet for zee fahrwairks lahk nevaire.

Donkee: le eeaww le eeaww

Crow: le cahw le cahw

Pepe: Only one theen lahks...

Spidaire: see ze hamstaires.

Cow: le moo le moo

Pepe: Do you want ze treek or ze treet my darleen?

Snake: le sssssssss le ssssssssss

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

10/31/12 @ 8:03pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/1/12 @ 12:05pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Ah my advahce zo rapeed as ze femme majesteek confuzed. No need for zoze Confuse a Cat felloz eh?

Can you eemageene eet? She theenks, I, Pepe, her lovair so dark ahnd andsome, im a tree.

Evahn worse, she thinks she is herself a tree, a tree that needs to be teelted back up to ze stance vertical.

Zere ees only wun cure for thees tapuh theen: ze arms of ze lovaire around hair.

Ze good new ees thees: trees they dohn trah ze escapuh.

Dreenk zo deep from ze baidrock lovaire ... your meesairee ees ovaire...

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

11/1/12 @ 7:42pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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She extends her long curved honed nails and ascends the vertical. The sky has cleared and she feels the softened breeze ruffle and caress, no tongue of lover or groomer can match this sensual moment. Strength, height, the clarity of vision and of innumerable objects actual and imagined in motion thrill and her heart races. She would purrrrrr endlessly but is occupied in concentration.

Moth movements, bats that chuckle afloat and at speeds and in directions that draw, small rustles of mice enleaved, the sway of shrubs in this endearing blow of nature's breath; these are the tempting baits of love, this is what she drinks in thirstily from this coarse and granular perch above. She lowers heavy furred and lashed lids and stretches her lean and longing length. Content.

tiss� ice - http://fav.me/d5js8da

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/2/12 @ 10:33am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Ouuuuuuuuwwwwwr aaaaahhhhhhm a lumbairjack ahnd ahm ohque

( chop chop chop )

Ah wairk zo hard ahnd partay evairyday

( chop chop chop )

Ah chawp down ze trees, ah wair cat fur, eh codpiece ahnd a manbra...
I luv to cruze ze nursairies ahnd hang around een bars.

( chop chop chop)

Have no feare my lovaire, theez tree ees comeen down lahk all barriers to our luv!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/4/12 @ 12:47pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Ah leetail boiz ahnd gairls, eet ees zo tahm fahr anothair lourv toutoriahl... frahm mah leeps to yoors, frahm my fevaireesh mahnd to yoors... ahnd for ze raht price... I mean notheen!

Today ze lessohn ees a la ze zone d comfairt. Ze men they know what I am talkeen about yes? All our lives we have to come up with ze ways to take ze womahn out of hair comfairt zone.

You see evairy woman ees a creatyair of habeet. She creates for hairself such eh reegorously held schedule... betwain ze werk ahnd ze play, ze sleepen ahnd ze shoppeen. She ees lahk a watch that ees wound so taht. Even ze wuns who trah to be so unpreedeectable when exameened zo closely are zo predeectable een fact.

She as no tahm for ze lourv. No mattair what she zays or theenks. No tahm because of hair obsession on Life's details, no?

But men, we are ze armour, ze tank, that shattairs hair leetle world ahdn reconstructs eet zo full of all ze raht theens. Lots of loveen, kisseen, and sexeen. We brahn ze raht prioreeties to ze leetle crazy wun. Ahnd for free. Because of our zo genairoos nahtures.

So when yoor sweethairt zays "Clean ze bathroom... or put ze leed down on ze toilet" eet ees tahm to be a Vandal een Rome. When her fuzzy , sweet rahr end goes plop een ze toilet in ze middle of zee naht, when underwair ees on hair countairtop, ze mageek, eet start to wairk een her leetle world. Ze sun pokes thru ze clouds, you poke thru sometheen too, ahnd that helps oh so much.

So be Hannibal. Be Atteela to hair ordairly life. You must deevide to conquaire. You must bring horror to brahn ze contentement. I adjoor you. Ah eenvoke you. Ah rain ze blesseens frootful on yoor campaiguh.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/5/12 @ 10:20am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Thees ees yoor lahkay day mon amis... I have anothair teep for you.

Speed shatteen, frahnds, onlay speed shatteen.

A short attenshun span ees a skonk's best fraind. Ah allow no mair than 15 zeconds per room when ah am on ze hunt. That way ah fahnd ze quarray that ees zo raht for ze tahm. Thair are so many gairls that even at thees raht, weeth new wuns comeen constantly onlahn, eet tahks hours to fully flush ze undairgrowth.

Een zees modairn age a skonk cannot afford to lingair through a longuh clotheen change. He cannot wait for the punchaline of some meandaireen joke. He must strahk or move on for ze clock... she ees tickeen!

Eef thair ees an autogreetair then have an autoresponse my frahnds. Eeet should be ze new custom. I weel not deesclose mah charactaireestic gesture as that ees for each skonk adenturaire to arrive at heemself so clevairly.

Eef you weesh to know mehr you may purchase my wairk: "10 Habeets of Eeffecteeve Lovaires"

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

11/5/12 @ 7:40pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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'ouuuu ah half takeen fahrr too lung egnoireen heem mon petit ami, mon strahp'ed un'

Her grey paws furiously mouse-play an empty Bud-Light bottle to the edge of the roof overlooking the partially forested yard below where Pepe is busily lecturing an assembled group of chipmunks, rabbits, a trio of jabbering crows, a rather overweight rooster with a preposterous Southern accent, a bear with a ranger hat on, a heavily bandaged coyote, a cat she once dated who has a tendency to fade and reappear while floating in air (and fucking it should be noted now), and an overweight short human, with a pronounced speech impediment, garbed in hunting gear who is mumbling to himself about 'wabbits'.

'ahh theenk ahh shall enterupt thees meeting,oui!'

The bottle is freed of the roof and follows gravity's rainbow in an arc of delight toward the meeting being conducted below.

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/6/12 @ 11:08am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Too late Pepe looked up and saw the bottle. The world seemed to lurch into sickening slow motion. A shadow suddenly appeared behind the cat fatale...

Speedy: ARRIBA ARRIBA ANDALE ANDALE YI YI YI YI!!!

The mouse, dressed in cape and hat, valient mustache sticking through whiskers, plunged a tiny sword into the rear of the surprised assassin. But it was his war cry that did the most damage. Instinctively she lept high into the air.

And as she did... the dread fleur d lis became apparent underneath her fur.

Pepe braced for impact. But just before it hit, there was the swoosh of air, and a much larger sword batted the bottle safely out of air with a side, edge pointed safely upwards. A duck, looking like the Scarlet Pimpernel without the mask and purple togs posed dramatically at the end of his stroke.

Pepe: Ah my frahnd. Wunce agahn I am een yoor debt. But eet ees er. I thought she was dead. It would be bettaire eef eet were zo.

Ducktagnion: Ssssppppllllay no more amigo. WOO WOO WOO. Gawd how I luv a good bottle shot! KEEP HER HONEST, SPEEDEMUS!!!

Speedy: Si Si, oh I mean oui oui!

And with claps on the backs, handshakes, and cries of "one for all and all for one" our cavaliers exit stage right to drink it up at the tavern. They seem low on cash but I know they will find a way to make ends meet...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

11/16/12 @ 2:10am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Eeh mah goo'd frahnds, we are haveen onlay ze fun hair, you know. Zaire eez of cairse zohnthang zo mech mair eeemportahnt zahn zees...

Ze enahmee eez gathaird for ze struggail zo feenal. Hordays ahnd hordays of ze enemee mah amiceenahmees, zats ah way of zaying frahnds you knahw.

Ah zee before me gathaird zo ahtrahgeously ... ahn armay of mah brothaires. Ah Leeshohn d'Onoor. Reday to die for thair freedahm. Lez go nahw... Weel you faht?

No? You say that Pepe is no here? You are zo raht for ahv erd zat ze Pepe cahn cyoor blahndnez weeth heez preek ahn blahw ovair ze hoosbahns weeth proshecteels ezploseeve frahm ees well skulpt'ed ahss.

I ahm Pepe le Pew ahnd ah zee, lahk ahv pointayd out zo preveously, ahn armay of mah contraimahn for all, all ahwr mah countraymahn oo afair zee femme zeek zo relentlesslee.

'ow, 'ow mah goo'd frahnds befoor mee, 'ow cahn you leev weethout yoor freedahm?

Eef you dahn faht zeez day, weech eez an eencredeebul day for zeez fighteen, eeyess you mah leev. Ahnd eef you faht you may die zees day.

But, ahnd ah reeeeeely want to strees zees mahn amis, looken bahk , bahk weeth zee feelmy eyes as you awn your trageek deathbaid lay, years frahm noow , zurounded bah yoor fameelee, yor wahf, yor manee cheeldrain, yoor many meestressais, zair hot seestaires, ahnd mothairs, zair dreenkeen buddees ahnd zome local colair... whahn you are een zees seetuation zo feenal...
do you not zappoze, zat you weel ahntertain ze noteen, zat eet would be zo really fahn eef you had decided to faht here today, ahnd die, not to lie een that bed so lahn zurroundeed bah zat aramy of een-laws, to die for yoor freedahm. Just wun shahnce, to fahnd glorair here today.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

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