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Female Performer Chat: Kamilaa

Created by: old_rocker

7/20/09 @ 12:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed and turned on the television.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote."

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Created by: lickau

7/20/09 @ 12:39am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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An old prospector��

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance, -- and just never wanted to.' A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied. When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow.. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'

There are two lessons for us all here: 1. Don't waste ammunition. 2. Don't mess with old people
:orglaugh

Quote

Created by: old_rocker

7/20/09 @ 1:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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With the immense popularity of Viagra it's not surprising that Pfizer has now started to produce versions of the drug for specific groups of customers:

Viagra Lite -
For people who only want to masturbate

Viagrallium -
A mix of Viagra and Vallium: if you don't get to fuck, then you don't give a fuck.

Quote

Created by: lickau

7/20/09 @ 1:14am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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With the immense popularity of Viagra it's not surprising that Pfizer has now started to produce versions of the drug for specific groups of customers:
Viagra Lite -
For people who only want to masturbate
Viagrallium -
A mix of Viagra and Vallium: if you don't get to fuck, then you don't give a fuck.

:orglaugh

Famous Quotes
If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel. -Will Kommen

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. -Dean Martin

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV's for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. -Wendy Liebman

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -Henny Youngman

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. -Bob Thaves

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. -Ben Franklin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays. -Joey Bishop

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 2:48am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine.

The officer knocks on the window and asks what's going on.

"Listening to music," the guy says.

Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?"

"Reading a magazine, of course."

"How old are you?" asks the officer.

"I'm 28."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in 11 minutes she'll be 18."

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 2:52am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it."

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 2:55am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 2:57am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm blonde and also a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a blonde rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler with blonde hair. We're all blonde. Now think good and hard about whether or not you want to continue with this joke my friend. Do you still wanna tell it?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 3:03am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $5.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquirers with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs "I am."

The man replies "Well then, could you wash your hands? I'd like a cheese sandwich!"

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 3:17am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A blond is driving down a deserted highway and swerving all over the road, when all of a sudden she gets pulled over.

The cop gets out of his car and asks if she had been drinking and she replies, "No".

So he radios the station and asks what to do.

The dispatcher says, "Is she a blonde driving a lipstick red Corvette?" The cop replies with a Yes.

So the other cop says, "What you do is tell her to get out of the car, pull out your dick and walk up to her".

So the cop does exactly what the dispatcher says. The blonde gets out of the car and the cop whips out his dick.

The blonde sighs and says, "Please not another breathalizer test."

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 3:40am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A beautiful innocent girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."

Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."
Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!!!"

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Created by: old_rocker

7/23/09 @ 7:15am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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wow a song special for me :angel

words for an angel

Angel Words~

Abundance
Adventure
Balance
Beauty
Birth
Brotherhood
Clarity
Communication
Compassion
Courage
Creativity
Education
Efficiency
Delight
Enthusiasm
Expectancy
Faith
Flexibility
Forgiveness
Freedom
Friendship
Grace
Gratitude
Inspiration
Harmony
Healing
Honesty
Humou
ntegrity
Joy
Light
Love
Obedience
Openness
Patience
Peace
Play
Power
Purification
Purpose
Release
Responsibility
Simplicity
Sisterhood
Spontaneity
Strength
Surrender
Synthesis
Tenderness
Trust
Transformation
Truth
Understanding
Willingness

May your cares be as light as the feathers on your Angel's wings.

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Created by: lickau

7/25/09 @ 10:01am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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Sweet Angel Lady is on now :angel

Audio is loud and clear :drinkup

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Created by: lickau

7/25/09 @ 10:43am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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Whispers In The Dark - Skillet

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is
Just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is
A burning, consuming fire

[Chorus:]
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark

You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay here broken and naked
My love is
Just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses

I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is
A burning, consuming fire

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3055275/bleach_skillet_whispers_in_the_dark/

:guitar

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Created by: lickau

7/25/09 @ 10:54am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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Breaking Benjamin and Skillet were bands Kamilaa told me about

DISCLAIMER ABOVE :drinkup

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Created by: old_rocker

7/27/09 @ 4:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A construction working is working on the 3rd floor of a building under construction. He turns to grab the saw and notices it�s gone. After searching a while he notices the saw on the first floor on a table. There is another worker close by on the 1st floor standing around.

The man on the 3rd floor yells "Hey can you bring me the saw?!"

The man on the 1st floor places his hand by his head to listen closer.

The man on the 3rd yells "The saw!"

The man on the first floor shakes his head.

The man on the 3rd floor starts to signal "I need" and he points at his knee. "The hand saw" and he moves his arm back in forth in a sawing motion.

The man on the 1st floor quickly wips down his pants and begins masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor is shocked! He runs all the way down the stairs to the first floor.

"What the hell are you doing?! I said I need the hand saw!"

"I know I was just trying to tell you I�m cumming."

Quote

Created by: lickau

7/27/09 @ 5:29am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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Sweet Cangy Girl is on :drinkup

Hear her sexy voice with Open Mic now :thumbsup

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Created by: lickau

7/27/09 @ 5:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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Created by: Kamilaa

7/27/09 @ 10:05am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Ok dears my turn to make u smile

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

^_^

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

:P

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

:orglaugh

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

:hitit

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

:evil

Woooohoo lets smile ppl :winkwink

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Created by: Kamilaa

7/27/09 @ 10:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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stopped in to see if my sweet little goddess was online but noooo, hope to see you again soon sweetie. i enjoy your company too. with love and respect, kisses

I always enjoy ur company too

Thank you for such a sweet name for me ~lil goddess

:angel

L wish u have a great day ;) And see you soon

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