1.Is always wet

2.Doesn't go crazy once a month

3.Looks the same in the morning

4.Doesn't have a lawyer

5.NEVER says no

6.ALWAYS goes down easy

7.Never costs you more than five dollars and never
leaves you thirsty

8.Always listens and never argues

9.Doesn't wear a bra

10.doesn't pout or play games

And for these reasons ( And many more) I shall always love my precious princess B.E.E.R. Please come back B.E.E.R. dear!! I miss you!!! oh wait,I don't have to miss you.I have 80 of you in my fridge....Silly me.

Feel free to add your opinions about B.E.E.R. Why do you love B.E.E.R. ? What funny thing have you seen B.E.E.R. do? Why is B.E.E.R. the best in your opinion?

on a side note,I am starting a B.E.E.R. fan club.We will hold meetings at a local brewery and talk about B.E.E.R. and how great it is to know B.E.E.R. until we pass out. Quote

I want to drink to the application to beeeerrrrrrrrr

THE BEER PRAYER

OUR LAGER, WHICH ART IN BARRELS,
HALLOWED BY THY FAME.
THY WILL BE DRUNK, I WILL BE DRUNK,
AT HOME, AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR FOAMY HEAD,
AND FORGIVE OUR SPILLAGE,
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SPILL AGAINST US.
AND LEAD US NOT TO INCARCERATION,
BUT DELIVER US FROM HANGOVERS.
FOR THINE IS THE ALE, THE PILSNER, AND THE LAGER,
FOREVER AND EVER.
- AMEN -







The Buffalo Theory of Beer Drinking and Brain Development

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster.

The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter.







Grasshopper

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says "You know... we have a drink named after you." To which the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Bob?"







BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.


Add more later


GREAT Topic Quote

Plus B.E.E.R does not get jealous when you suddenly choose her best friends S.C.O.T.C.H and V.O.D.K.A Quote

what do american beer and sex in a canoe have in common?


they're both fucking close to water Quote

what do american beer and sex in a canoe have in common?


they're both fucking close to water Quote

3.Looks the same in the morning

Now im curious what kind of beer you drink...

Quote

When I do drink it's Canadian beer usually lol. Quote

mmmm yes, i know guys. Princess Beer is very nice... I always was jelaous of that feeling she cause to you all...

You feel like being drank after swallowing her... a

wwww if you shake her well she will always squirt... mmmmm

but if you overdose love to her you will have not nice headache - then here I win Quote

lol yes in that case you would for sure be the winner. Quote

what do american beer and sex in a canoe have in common?
they're both fucking close to water


hahahahahahaha SO TRUE!!! Grimbergen for life!! Mmmm 6.7% delicious double blonde Belgium ale...if I could marry an inanimate object, this would be it!! Quote

hahahahahahaha SO TRUE!!! Grimbergen for life!! Mmmm 6.7% delicious double blonde Belgium ale...if I could marry an inanimate object, this would be it!!





really? i would have guessed cocktus.....or maybe that chair leg? Quote

Gorilla

A gorilla walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says "That'll be five bucks." As the gorilla is paying for his beer, the bartender adds "You know... we don't get many gorillas in here." To which the gorilla replies, "At five bucks a beer, it's no wonder..."






WORK Virus!

There is a dangerous virus going around. It is called WORK.
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else, via e-mail or any other means, DO NOT TOUCH IT! This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put on your jacket, take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order the antidote known as BEER. Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected and that WORK already controls your life.

REMEMBER, THIS VIRUS IS DEADLY!








10 Glasses

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The bartender says, hay buddy whats your hurry? The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing. The bartender backs up and says what do you have. The man says about 75 cents!









News Flash - - -

"Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."







Halloween Poem-

I am not scared of goblins or ghouls and things that go bump in the night
Werewolves and bats and witches and such do not give me much of a fright .....
But there is this one thing that scares me to death and only this one thing I fear
And that's to open my fridge at night and find that I'm all out of beer.








WARNING TO MEN:

Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is usually found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.>
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory woman administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages







Q: Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color.

Q: Why did God make beer?
A: So the Irish wouldn't take over the world.

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less drunk.


Quote

ummmm Im a vodka girl but if I do drink beer i like coors light, coronas, tecate with tomato juice. I also like the cider beers. mmmmmmmmmmmm Quote

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less drunk.



well played i love it

Quote

B.E.E.R

Biggest
Error
Ever
Produced



Funny post!

Princess B.E.E.R gives me a softy and she always wants to see my cock on Cam!

Quote

B.E.E.R
Biggest
Error
Ever
Produced

Funny post!
Princess B.E.E.R gives me a softy and she always wants to see my cock on Cam!


Wouldn't that be B.E.E.P. ? lol
Quote

Lots and Lots for Bart

Great post!!! Quote

Plus B.E.E.R does not get jealous when you suddenly choose her best friends S.C.O.T.C.H and V.O.D.K.A



or T.N. W.H.I.S.K.E.Y (Old N0.7)

cause she loves chasing Quote

B.E.E.R -- helping ugly women get a fuck on a Friday night for centuries !

---------------

A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."


---------------

Phrases for 2009

* beer COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am.

* beer COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

---------------

What woman can wash up with her left hand, cook tea with the right, sweep with one leg, dust with the other, give a blow job and open beer with her arse??

A SwissArmyWife

---------------

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my Cock inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink".

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, and dropped his trousers, placing his dick in the alligator's mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his Cock unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone 100 dollars who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde girl timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle so hard".

---------------

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

---------------

One day a boxer and his stunning girlfriend walk into a bar. The boxer heads off to the toilet, handing a 20 pound note to his missus and asks her to get him a pint, and whatever she wants.

Whilst she's at the bar, a scrawny little man approaches her, and the conversation goes something along the lines of:

Scrawny little man: You're absolutely stunning, I'd really like to take you out for dinner.

Stunning girlfriend: Sorry, I'm already taken.

Scrawny little man: Hang on a sec, I've not finished - after dinner, I'd like to take you home, cover you in chocolate sauce and lick it off.

Stunning girlfriend: Seriously, I've got a boyfriend, and I'm not interested.

Scrawny little man: Wait wait, I've not finished - then I want to fill your pussy up with beer and drink it with a straw.

At this point the boxer returns from the toilet...

Stunning girlfriend: This scrawny little twat wants to take me out for dinner.

Boxer: Sorry mate, she's spoken for (looking a little annoyed, that his missus is being cracked onto).

Stunning girlfriend: Wait, then he wants cover me in chocolate sauce and lick it off.

Boxer: Right, that does it, you're in for a pasting (as he rolls up his sleeves and the little vein in his temple starts to pulse).

Stunning girlfriend: Wait, I'm not finished yet, then he wants to fill my pussy with beer and drink it with a straw.

At this point the boxer unrolls his sleeves and turns to walk away.

Stunning girlfriend: What are you doing, I thought you were going to kill this pathetic little runt.

Boxer: Look love, I'm not messing with anyone who can drink that much beer. Quote

just don't let B.E.E.R. drive or go to the 24hr wedding chapel. Quote