Tonight for 1 night only Knuckle Shuffle promotions in association with Kleenex tissues invite you to the Shaftsbury Theatre to the Musical version of Flirt4Free
Lights dim s the audience of specially invited customers all sit - the sound of zipers going down can be heard ( except from the corner where the welsh and Aussie contingent are where sheep can be heard baaaing softly )
A spotlight illuminates a man sat at a computer with everything he sees projected onto a backdrop.
'I am 6'6 and have a 18 inch penis' claims the Musical sensation "Mydic Suge"
He sings 'Liar' bt the Rollins Band
you think you're going to live your life alone
in darkness and seclusion... yeah, I know
you've been out there and tried to mix with those animals
and it just left you full of humiliated confusion
so you stagger back home and wait for nothing
but the solitary refinement of your
room spits you back onto the streets
and now you're desperate and in need of human contact
and then you meet me and yur whole world changes
because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
so you drop all you defenses, I'm perfect in every way
'cause I make you feel so strong and so powerfull inside
you feel so lucky
but your ego obscures reality that you never bothered to
wonder why things are going so well
you want to know why?
'cause I'm a liar, yeah, I'm a liar
I'll tear (rip) your mind up, I'll burn your soul
I'll turn you into me, I'll turn you into me
'cause I'm a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar...
I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes
and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say:
I really identify with you, so much
and all the time that you're needing me is just the time
that I'm bleeding you, don't you get it yet?
I'll come to you like an affliction
then I'll leave you like an addiction
you'll never forget me... wou wanna know why?
I don't know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain
maybe it's something inside, maybe it's something I can't explain
'cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you
I'm a liar, ooh, I'm a liar
but if you'll give me another chance
I swear I'll never lie to you again
'cause now I see the destructive power of a lie,
they're stronger than truth
I ca't believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again
please, just give me more chance, I'll never lie to you again, no,
I swear, I will never tell a lie, I will neer tell a lie, no, no
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Sucker! Sucker! Sucker!
I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar
I lie you, I feel good, I am a liar, yeah
I lie X4 ooh, I lie, yeah, I lie
I'm a liar, I lie, I like it, I feel good, I like it, and again
I like it again and I'll keep lying, I'll promise
The obkect of his outpourings enters stage left dressed in a costume that would be considered small if it was double its actual size. Its the Rock goddess 'Chesty Arias'
She sings 'Bitch' by Meredeth Brooks
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel
underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing
Chorus
Just when you think you've got me figured out
the season's already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
and don't try to save me
Chorus
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed, I'm revived
can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way .
the backdrop changes to show the word PRIVATE
a medley of songs are performed including Sharp Dressed Man, I want it all, Gimme all your loving, Money ( Thats what I want ), Bang Bang, Brown Sugar and ends with the guitar solo 'Eruption' by Van Halen. During this medley - the stage curtains keep opening and closing in front of the singers as a troupe of dancers cavort wildly - the men waving credit cards and he women wearing costumes that featire a selection of dildos, vibratirs, beads and plugs of all shapes, sizes, colour and material. the end of the dance routine sees the dancers getting water poured over them from the tank in the gantrys.
The 2 promary singers now re-appear as he sings 'Its Over' by Jesse McCartney
We've run out of words we've run out of time
We've run out of reasons really why we together
We both know it's over baby bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all
Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just call it quits it's probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls it's 'cause
'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed
'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
I still wake up every morning quarter to ten
I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table
I can't even remember how long it's been
No trouble stayin' occupied
Oh I ask about you whenever I come around
I do what I can not to put my business in the streets
Last thing I need's another episode
Keep conversation short and sweet because
'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed
'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause baby it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
You know that it's over when the burnin'
And the yearnin' inside your heart ain't there anymore
And you know that you're through when she don't do to you
And move you like the way she moved ya before
And you wanna pull her close
But your heart has froze
You kiss her but her eyes don't close
Then she goes out of your heart forever
And it hurts you but you know that it's better
Girl you know it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
'Cause it's over
Girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
in reply she sings 'Thanks for the Memories' by Fall Out Boy
I'm gonna make you bend and break
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show (let the good times roll, let the good times roll)
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that makes the words come to life
"Who does he think he is"
If that's the worst you've got better put your fingers back to the keys
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter
One night yeah and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See He tastes like you only sweeter
ohhhhhh
I'm looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
Is always cloudy except for (except for)
When you look into the past (look into the past)
One night stand
One night stand, OH!
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter
One night yeah one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See he tastes like you only sweeter
They say I only think in the form of
Crunching numbers in hotel rooms
Collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind
Gets you out of those clothes
I'm a liner away from
Getting you into the mood (wa-ooooohhh)
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter
One night yeah one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See he tastes like you only sweeter
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter
One night yeah one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See he tastes like you only sweeter
And END.
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