dudley_do_ride: How to pick up mounties... - 7/31/11

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How to pick up mounties...

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Female Performer Chat: How to pick up mounties...

Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/31/11 @ 1:43pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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1. Don't... they'll just break your little heart.

2. Be tidy. Mounties dig order.

3. Don't wear plaid... it clashes.

4. Use lots of ellipses when you chat... it makes you seem thoughtful.

5. Don't sing unless you are doing a gentle lullaby or simple folk song.

6. Rap is not folk music.

7. You can't flirt masterfully when you've passed out into a bowl of cheetoes.

8. Don't ramble.

9. Don't cuss unless talking about politicians.

10. Don't affect a sophisticated sounding accent.

11. Don't gripe about double standards.

12. Have a plan. Mounties like making counter-strategies...

13. Don't worry about little things or obeying long lists of instructions.

14. Worry very much about little things and obeying long lists of instructions

15. Never say "aboot" and then wait for a reward.

16. Be relaxed.... but not too relaxed.

17. Focus your eyes on the middle distance... Don't cross them.

18. Don't wear a hat, it is too dangerous.

19. Have good posture except for a sexy slouch... but never list.

20. Don't sink after one side of torpedoes... we don't want a PT boat.

My gawd there are ssssoooooo many more. It is a wonder that a mountie ever manages to reproduce!

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Created by: ophelias_rue

7/31/11 @ 1:48pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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and here i thought they spawned asexually.. hmmmm... *consults wiki and points to the single celled division diagram*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/31/11 @ 2:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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and here i thought they spawned asexually.. hmmmm... *consults wiki and points to the single celled division diagram*

Check your old Biology book and you will remember that lizards, for example, can sometimes produce offspring while isolated. In fact, this is an explanation for the unusually restricted gene pools of some island populations.

Nature may always find a way...

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Created by: ophelias_rue

7/31/11 @ 2:56pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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*notes the mountie's open fly*

*shakes self awake from daydream of an island of identical Don Hos*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/31/11 @ 3:37pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Oh Donny boys, the ukeleles, the ukeleles are caaaaaaaalling

From beach to beach, and down the volcano siiiiiiiiiiide
The summer's gone, and all the roses faaaaaaaaalling
'Tis you, 'tis you must goooooo and I must biiiiiiiiide.
But come ye back when the clutch's born and in the meeeeeeeeaaaaadow
Or when the valley's flush and ripe with Hos
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Donny boys, oh Donny boys, I love you soooooooooooooo.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall heeeeeeear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my grave will warmer, sweeter be
For you will bend and tell me that there will be millions more of meeeeeeeee
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

And I shall rest in peace until you come to me.
Oh, Donny Boys, Oh, Donny Boys, I love you so

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Created by: ophelias_rue

7/31/11 @ 3:52pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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hahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* laugh SOOOOO LOUD!!!

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Created by: ophelias_rue

7/31/11 @ 3:57pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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song of the moment ... drum roll..

Niki Hoi .................. Flo & Eddie

*polite courtsey*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

7/31/11 @ 6:57pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Oooooooh you wenches better tread softly!!!

When I have to patrol the North Woods... for weeks... sometimes months...

I get so incredibly....

Denial is our source of strength... but when we have to camp in the cold, miles from the nearest bit of warm, soft, tight, fragrant... Fissures start to spread. Great plates collide and subvert over my boiling magma...

The time is drawing near... My slave dogs sense it... They grin while screwing each other... delighting in how it messes with my ... monkish focus... I repay them by forcing them into pulling the sled faster all the next day. They repay by louder fucking at night... A vicious circle... that my bitches will break...

When I sweep in... in the dead of night... and reburn my brand on their enraptured souls...

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Created by: ophelias_rue

7/31/11 @ 8:42pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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lol *eyeroll*

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Created by: kertus

7/31/11 @ 10:11pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: The Planet Piiiing
Posts: 880

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By their ears??

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

8/1/11 @ 2:06am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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song of the moment ... drum roll..

Niki Hoi .................. Flo & Eddie

*polite courtsey*

Oh great... another ABBA. *cringe*

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

8/1/11 @ 2:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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By their ears??

hmmmmm my steel trap has captured nada...

By hair! By shoulders! By anything that hands may clutch!

To work wonders! To shave any shrews and shrive all demons.

Be very glad that I didn't post a long military hymn in Soviet-latin! Soviet- latin I say!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

8/1/11 @ 2:47am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Fine... but just 2 stanzas. Needs really macho choir, drums, trumpets...

uteSalay samotay eeay enashmay dumdeay
vietumZahay eekhay dahfsigay vierneyay.
pierreTeay nichtohay, eneay vitastanoiay,
biedneyPaay arkshay, noyraday eystranay.

yTiay yveepliay, yveepliay trashnabesay,
rdestGoay sayay nykhvieray yeaymarieay.
voluytziyeReay dezhdahnaay stksgooay ifvieray khseay deyeluyay.

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Created by: ophelias_rue

8/1/11 @ 5:38am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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Oh great... another ABBA. *cringe*

*cringe cringe* at the *cringe* appearance of the *cringe* 4 letter palindrome *cringe* quoted {{{shudder}}}

*grabs a razor as the choir in my head is freed to start ranting ./`FERNANDO FERNANO./`*

ARGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

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Created by: ophelias_rue

8/1/11 @ 5:40am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

8/1/11 @ 10:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Yeah... that's right. And as a warning here is another stanza. It is the only part of a long... experience... where women's voices are featured. The tempo and mood become frenetic. I picture a dramatic advance into the poppie fields by the munchkin horde...

Ayay. pakhodAveay, pakhodaveay, snasay lvaay marskayanahay dyotzhay dazhnyehay syahdyotay. Nassay zahay marskayavootay hdaay, eeay boypreeay!

Except that it is at sea. If only Mozart were alive to give his musical response.

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Created by: rheza111

8/1/11 @ 2:45pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: just to the left of center
Posts: 2,431

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i heard some molson and 30 lbs of back bacon go a long way

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Created by: ophelias_rue

8/1/11 @ 3:52pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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*giddy giggles @ back bacon traps for green eyed madmen*

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Created by: lickau

8/1/11 @ 8:02pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285

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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * NEWS UPDATE * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary

President Obama and Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada met today with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:

CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
- 2 CANOES,
- 6 MOUNTIES,
- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

Now you can pick up some Mounties in the US :drinkup

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Created by: ophelias_rue

8/1/11 @ 8:08pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: floating just beneath the surfaces
Posts: 5,122

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LMFAO

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