dudley_do_ride: That Deadly INS - 1/11/13

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That Deadly INS

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Female Performer Chat: That Deadly INS

Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/11/13 @ 11:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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She was a woman... with tits and everything...

Her pull on him was like that of Jupiter on a dust mote at three kilometers.

He was close. He was at her mercy. She knew it. She grinned seductively, knowingly.

He marshalled his last line of defense. Desperately seeking some other outcome. Oh but her eyes, her lithe form, her very aroma.

He salivated uncontrollably.

But then, in the clutch, with the breach already made in the walls, he got the out. For:

As she turned one last time to face him full with the full weight of her deadly eyelash batting and lip puckering... she scrunched her nose a little.

It was all he needed...

"Itchy nose. Itchy nose!" he trumpeted out triumphantly.

Her expression changed to one of irritation in a moment. She knew she was beaten. Again.

Foiled by Itchy Nose Syndrome

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/11/13 @ 2:38pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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It was like no other first meeting...

It was at a party. An afternoon summer get together. Large. Boistrous.

They had connected. It was so clear. Not a word had to be spoken.

They enjoyed each other at a distance and bode their time until they found a time to go off alone together. And where did they go? These virtual strangers? To the host's bedroom.

She never ever made love except to men she knew. But this was not just any man. And for him she was not just any woman. It was clear. In how they moved, how they acted, how they connected. They were one mind. They were matched. They were destined to be together.

She had never believed the stories of love at first sight. She had heard some details offhand about him from random discussions with her friends, without having seen him, without knowing he was the One. Now she wished she had listened so much more closely. She recalled vaguely that it was all pretty good. But there was something... Something her friends had laughed and shook their heads about. Something.... something to do with the INS she thought.

Well, whatever it was she was sure it would be fine. They could work it out. Oh even now he had laid her out on the bed. They were both so confident. They didn't care if anyone found them together. They were bound already. Their hearts wrapped together in knots.

Ah their kisses staggered them both. They spent the longest time in those first touches. Lost in each other's beauty. Mesmerized by the other's spell.

And now he had her panties off. He began to show what a devil he was as a tease. Light touches. Long strokes. Time between. Lots of time between. Kisses up here. Kisses down there. Her entire body buzzed, and anticipated his next.... but could not tell quite the time nor place. It was wonderful.... She was writhing and groaning already.

Finally, after a long exquisite time of this arythmic, dance... he paused and locked her with his eyes... His cute nose was still dry but it was clear that this was about to change, that the next phase would be much more intense and leave his face dripping....

But... sadly at this time... while she was enjoying this moment, he scrunched up his nose a little. And in a terrible moment she knew.... She knew! He didn't work for the INS... He had INS. Bad.

Instantly primal reflexes within her kicked in. Her DNA had long long segments dedicated to protecting her offspring from this malady. She kicked him completely out of bed.

Oh if only she had listened more closely to her friends. If only she had prepared for the ravages of INS...

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Created by: dan_in_florida

1/12/13 @ 12:14pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Sunny South Florida - with a REALLY cool car :-)
Posts: 1,501

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With all the non USA models on the site, I thought you were referring to a different INS :helpme

Mrs. Novio has already got her green card so we're safe :drinkup

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Created by: mikeshot1

1/12/13 @ 12:46pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: near the edge of reality
Posts: 1,281

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No problem with INS - However IBS - is another story !

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/12/13 @ 2:43pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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No problem with INS - However IBS - is another story !

Hmmmmmmm I hope you mean i R s - otherwise it sounds like there is another 3 letter scourge we have to deal with...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/12/13 @ 2:45pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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With all the non USA models on the site, I thought you were referring to a different INS :helpme

Mrs. Novio has already got her green card so we're safe :drinkup

Glad to hear it. Glad to hear it.

We must deal with the scourges that we can. Sadly there is no known cure for Itchy Nose Syndrome. We can only deal with the symptoms.

Whatever you do... don't touch the nose!

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/12/13 @ 3:13pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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As you know, this terrible problem started in the New World. Every tribal culture had to deal with it.

However, the Eskimo response was unique. They used to be french kissers. To a man. But once this disease hit, they radically changed their culture. They moved up north where the cold slowed down the spread a bit. They went to nose kissing, the famous nose to nose rub.

By doing this they quickly spread the disease to the most susceptible. When these perished, their gene pool was more tolerent of the condition. And so after a few generations they have developed an immunity. A painful, costly strategy that was ultimately successful.

That's not our way. So just take care. Keep your noses clean and, for heaven's sake, no picking.

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Created by: suggs

1/12/13 @ 3:16pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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No problem with INS - However IBS - is another story !

Itchy Ball Syndrome?

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/12/13 @ 3:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Itchy Ball Syndrome?

Oh fuck! I thought this was just a bad story. You mean it's real?

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Created by: suggs

1/12/13 @ 6:12pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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Sadly yes BUT there's an ointment that'll clear it up.

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Created by: .jeffie.

1/12/13 @ 6:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Brisbane, Australia

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there's an ointment that'll clear it up.

Itchy Balls Salve?

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Created by: dan_in_florida

1/12/13 @ 9:46pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Sunny South Florida - with a REALLY cool car :-)
Posts: 1,501

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I do believe that the ultimate consequence of Itchy Nose Syndrome was depicted by Woody Allen in Sleeper :winkwink

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/13/13 @ 12:37am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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I do believe that the ultimate consequence of Itchy Nose Syndrome was depicted by Woody Allen in Sleeper :winkwink

No! No! No!

The use of steamrollers in INS treatment has been deprecated!

And any attempt to clone an INS corrupted cell would certainly endanger us all!

We must try to remain CALM! We must attack this problem RATIONALLY!

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

1/13/13 @ 9:08am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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I do believe that the ultimate consequence of Itchy Nose Syndrome was depicted by Woody Allen in Sleeper :winkwink

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/13/13 @ 11:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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Bravo Dan (kiss) I think you've called his bluff and *eyes over your shoulder* AHHHH (grins) you hold the right cards!

I had SO hoped that I could keep track of the 'American' category counts to see if they'd appreciably decreased when this thread appeared but (fucking.blonde.math) and (webbed.toes) (MHHHRRRRR) I lost count. *shrugs* *catches a lift in pursuit of keeping in 70 F degree winds further south*

It is just this kind of dangerous lah dee dah attitude that will land you your own Horrible History spot someday missy.

I can see it now on Stupid Deaths:

Death: 'ooo are you?

AFP: AFP dumbshit!

Death: We'll see about that. How did you get here?

AFP: (mumble mumble)

Death: Louder please.

AFP: I got INS and picked my nose so much my brain caved in OK?!?

Death: Hoooooo ha hah hah haaaaaaaaaaa. I love my job. I do. I do. The afterlife is ready for you but mind... no more mining. Hooooo ha ha ha...

Stupid deaths.... stupid deaths... (dancing) etc etc...

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Created by: dudley_do_ride

1/14/13 @ 11:32pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,294

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We the staff at DoRide Light Ancedotes would like to apologize for the direction our team took in the recent posts.

Everybody knows that INS is a condition that affects the outer surface of the nose and has nothing to do with the interior. Therefore the jokes about nose picking are clearly a glaringly obvious appeal to the lowest common denominator.

We regret that thiz lowest of professions, by which we mean the so called brotherhood of comedians, is incapable of discussing the nose without nose picking jokes arising with the predictability of the sun rising over the desert.

This noblest of appendages, yea that which all the others can only dream of matching in so many critical avenues of avening, this band of schnazzes, this collection of facial carbuncles, this legion d'grande tronks resplesdant, this forest, this Albion in Sturzenburgengen...
must never be made to bow, for it has no waist certainly upon which to turn, it must tower in the warm golden light of the grace of the gods, casting its long shadow over a grateful humanity who know that without what it knows our lives will be so much the lesser.... must remain in our good graces, getting nothing but the mince of our tongues and the gold of our purse. Until that day when man's nobler nature allows him to face the universe sans snogglepus.

And all that is good, and just, and noble may once again walk this valley of tears...

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Created by: amanda_fucking_palmer

1/15/13 @ 4:16pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: yeah baby ... i'm faking it again
Posts: 1,793

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** REMOVED BY ANECDOTE SNIFFING NINJA INSPECTORS **

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