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Female Performer Chat: Inside the Vultarian Order
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/6/18 @ 2:51pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
The Love Vulture, destroyer of hearts, has long been worshipped in the jungles of Peru. His terrible temple, in mid-plain, is a blight upon the land. Pilgrims of his cult have traveled for miles to offer sacrifice. Braving treacherous swamps, high mountain passes, lava vomiting volcanoes, and jungle beasts. The latter including the notorious gorillas of Peru.
But now, his tactics have changed. He has directed the creation of a new order. His fell machinations are now being exported all over the world in a more sinister, subtle disguise: The Vultarian Order! Quote
But now, his tactics have changed. He has directed the creation of a new order. His fell machinations are now being exported all over the world in a more sinister, subtle disguise: The Vultarian Order! Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/6/18 @ 3:00pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
No thing is more cruel than love. We have all felt the bite of the Love Vulture's talons as he seeks to grab and rip out our hearts. Each of us has become for brief moments his servant as we say the ancient words that invoke his talons on those whose hearts we break. But this is mild compared to his ambitions. He is not satisfied with such transitory servants. And so the creation of a new evil order. To record the words of break up in his temple... every break up in every language. To foster the speed, the viciousness of breakups. To cause attraction in the worst of mates. To deflect attraction in the best of mates.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/6/18 @ 7:04pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
The Love Vulture is poorly named. He is not a vulture. He is not even a bird. He is a deity.
Do you want to make him sneer? Then mention Cupid. A little pipsqueak angel's helper. Not a real god. Not a worthy foe.
Do you want to make him laugh a good talon on the belly laugh? Then tell him your little optimistic dream of some ideal mate for you. His whole existence is predicated upon ferreting out your ideal mate and then getting you to despise that mate and choose your antimate.
Yes if there exists your ideal mate then balance demands the existence of your worst possible mate. Some poor thinkers have suggested that your worst mate would be made of your antiparticles so that you would actually annihilate each other in a gigantic explosion if you ever met. But clearer thinkers realize how silly that idea is. That would keep you out of a relationship with the worst case mate and that is a contradiction.
Does the Love Vulture like romantic comedies? Well he would never sit through one. But he is glad they exist. He wants his victims to understand the idea of a match made in heaven so that it is worse for them when they fail to find it thanks to his devious machinations.
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Do you want to make him sneer? Then mention Cupid. A little pipsqueak angel's helper. Not a real god. Not a worthy foe.
Do you want to make him laugh a good talon on the belly laugh? Then tell him your little optimistic dream of some ideal mate for you. His whole existence is predicated upon ferreting out your ideal mate and then getting you to despise that mate and choose your antimate.
Yes if there exists your ideal mate then balance demands the existence of your worst possible mate. Some poor thinkers have suggested that your worst mate would be made of your antiparticles so that you would actually annihilate each other in a gigantic explosion if you ever met. But clearer thinkers realize how silly that idea is. That would keep you out of a relationship with the worst case mate and that is a contradiction.
Does the Love Vulture like romantic comedies? Well he would never sit through one. But he is glad they exist. He wants his victims to understand the idea of a match made in heaven so that it is worse for them when they fail to find it thanks to his devious machinations.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/6/18 @ 7:20pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
So why is he called the Love Vulture? Aside from his obvious predatory nature he also likes to take the form of a giant winged, feathery, flying threat with large groping talons. And swooping down at high speeds to pick up beating heart sacrifices from his altar and splattering them against a vine covered temple wall. The vines kind of help to make the drip of the flattened mass of heart material drawn out in time and cover more wall real estate. No one is gonna claim that he isn't an artist of a kind.
While he is doing this he wildly lets loose a series of SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
He's been known to give the giant Peruvian bl00d eagle racing stripes in his white tail feathers just by screeeing like that.
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While he is doing this he wildly lets loose a series of SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
He's been known to give the giant Peruvian bl00d eagle racing stripes in his white tail feathers just by screeeing like that.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/7/18 @ 1:37pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
* all is quiet save the sweet cawing and chirping of jungle birds *
* Suddenly even this noise dies out *
*fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip* The skies fill with feathery, colorful jungle birds exiting stage left.
*silence*
*FWAPPPP... FWAAAAAAP... FWWWWWWWWWWAP... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHH* SCREEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
*SPLAT!!!!*
Drums start up and ash covered tribesmen in death masks pop out of the underbrush and do a dance around the altar. The bl00dy altar that is now empty.
*drumitty drumitty drum drum drumitty*
Bl00d runs down the vine covered wall that stands at the feet of the giant vulture statue whose head is higher than the jungle canopy. Skulls of nonbelievers who ventured too near are the caps of stakes that form a stockade around the perimeter. No stake lacks a grinning skull.
You won't find this ceremony on yewtewbe friend.
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* Suddenly even this noise dies out *
*fwip fwip fwip fwip fwip* The skies fill with feathery, colorful jungle birds exiting stage left.
*silence*
*FWAPPPP... FWAAAAAAP... FWWWWWWWWWWAP... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHH* SCREEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
*SPLAT!!!!*
Drums start up and ash covered tribesmen in death masks pop out of the underbrush and do a dance around the altar. The bl00dy altar that is now empty.
*drumitty drumitty drum drum drumitty*
Bl00d runs down the vine covered wall that stands at the feet of the giant vulture statue whose head is higher than the jungle canopy. Skulls of nonbelievers who ventured too near are the caps of stakes that form a stockade around the perimeter. No stake lacks a grinning skull.
You won't find this ceremony on yewtewbe friend.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/7/18 @ 1:44pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
How do other gods borrow money from the Love Vulture?
They come up to him and say: Hey buddy, I'm a little short, can you loan me a fiver until my next sacrifice?
The Love Vulture goes: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
And with a tight f1sted talon flings small change all over the jungle floor. Forcing the god in question to bend down and pick up coins hidden in the swamps, in the mud, under leaves.
And then the Love Vulture laughs... and laughs... and laughs.
You might be tempted to think that a sense of humor is a redeeming quality. If you met the Love Vulture you'd realize very quickly that it isn't.
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They come up to him and say: Hey buddy, I'm a little short, can you loan me a fiver until my next sacrifice?
The Love Vulture goes: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
And with a tight f1sted talon flings small change all over the jungle floor. Forcing the god in question to bend down and pick up coins hidden in the swamps, in the mud, under leaves.
And then the Love Vulture laughs... and laughs... and laughs.
You might be tempted to think that a sense of humor is a redeeming quality. If you met the Love Vulture you'd realize very quickly that it isn't.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/7/18 @ 9:24pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
I had sushi for lunch today, by myself, in a restaurant that was next to where a festival was taking place. It was a beautiful day. Laughing happy people were strolling around outside. Romance was on the wing. Music literally in the air.
Even though I am a man of the world, fully aware of its dark side, its villains, its dangers, I was able to eat a very relaxed meal. I was able to let my eyes go where they wanted. My mind to drift as freely as the clouds. To sit with my back to the door without fear of some ambush, some mortal danger.
This is a sign of many things. One of them is that I have defeated the power of the Love Vulture in my life. He has no power over my heart. His puppet master strings on my friends and neighbors have been cut.
I sat in a chair, in a public place, later, and had a haircut. During this act, I joked a little, closed my eyes, and put my trust completely in the stylist. To do this, with my knowledge of good and evil, I had to know that the Love Vulture had no hold upon her.
I say this to give you hope. When we talk of evil we must give it its due. But never surrender anything to it. It does not own us. It does not belong among us. It is not the norm. It must never be accepted. It must never be tolerated. Quote
Even though I am a man of the world, fully aware of its dark side, its villains, its dangers, I was able to eat a very relaxed meal. I was able to let my eyes go where they wanted. My mind to drift as freely as the clouds. To sit with my back to the door without fear of some ambush, some mortal danger.
This is a sign of many things. One of them is that I have defeated the power of the Love Vulture in my life. He has no power over my heart. His puppet master strings on my friends and neighbors have been cut.
I sat in a chair, in a public place, later, and had a haircut. During this act, I joked a little, closed my eyes, and put my trust completely in the stylist. To do this, with my knowledge of good and evil, I had to know that the Love Vulture had no hold upon her.
I say this to give you hope. When we talk of evil we must give it its due. But never surrender anything to it. It does not own us. It does not belong among us. It is not the norm. It must never be accepted. It must never be tolerated. Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/8/18 @ 3:21am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
If we were back in the medieval era we'd think of a bunch of knights with some characteristic symbol on their shields and breastplates when we talk about some order. Like the teutonic knights. Or the sword brethren.
To his credit the Love Vulture never was into bands of iron clad men hacking on each other with maces and swords. Not his style. Not very subtle. Hard to manage. Although he did have some great ideas for those logos to blazon the breastplates and shields.
These days orders tend to be mysterious things. Secret societies. The only kinship this new order, the Vultarian Order, has with those preceding it is that it is made up of religious zealots who could be dispatched on some crusade or other designed to please some deity.
So inductees are not tested for physical strength and courage primarily but valued more for their zeal and sneakiness. Every single one of these fanatics has knelt in the secret chamber of the Peruvian temple and pledged his soul to the Love Vulture and drunk from the Goblet of the Dead Capulets to seal their vow.
The Goblet of the Dead Capulets was of course the vessel that held the poison imbibed by Romeo and Juliet themselves. One of the Love Vulture's masterpieces: allowing True Love's most famous fulfillment only to snatch it away as soon as it seemed about to be realized.
The evil god was immortal. His power only growing throughout the ages. His new order sure to be the start of a new level of misery for mankind. Quote
To his credit the Love Vulture never was into bands of iron clad men hacking on each other with maces and swords. Not his style. Not very subtle. Hard to manage. Although he did have some great ideas for those logos to blazon the breastplates and shields.
These days orders tend to be mysterious things. Secret societies. The only kinship this new order, the Vultarian Order, has with those preceding it is that it is made up of religious zealots who could be dispatched on some crusade or other designed to please some deity.
So inductees are not tested for physical strength and courage primarily but valued more for their zeal and sneakiness. Every single one of these fanatics has knelt in the secret chamber of the Peruvian temple and pledged his soul to the Love Vulture and drunk from the Goblet of the Dead Capulets to seal their vow.
The Goblet of the Dead Capulets was of course the vessel that held the poison imbibed by Romeo and Juliet themselves. One of the Love Vulture's masterpieces: allowing True Love's most famous fulfillment only to snatch it away as soon as it seemed about to be realized.
The evil god was immortal. His power only growing throughout the ages. His new order sure to be the start of a new level of misery for mankind. Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/8/18 @ 11:50pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
Happy New Year man!!!
Hope you are getting good use out of that sun.
Happy New Year to You!
Can't avoid the ol' sun down here .. everything is 'crispy'!
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/13/18 @ 6:23pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
We interrupt this thread to bring you some breaking news...
DoRide Industry corporate headquarters has been firebombed. It happened a little after midnight this morning. There are no reported injuries as nobody was working late. But the facility is a total loss. Gone are the Verdis, the da Vincis, the Schlabotnicks. The famous Hanging Shards of Smolensk.
Police have no suspects. But there was a single feather found duck taped to the flag pole. Orinthologists have not been able to match it to any known species.
And now back to our show...
bom bom bommmmm ba bom ba bom
heyyyyyyyyy got any... gr8pes?
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DoRide Industry corporate headquarters has been firebombed. It happened a little after midnight this morning. There are no reported injuries as nobody was working late. But the facility is a total loss. Gone are the Verdis, the da Vincis, the Schlabotnicks. The famous Hanging Shards of Smolensk.
Police have no suspects. But there was a single feather found duck taped to the flag pole. Orinthologists have not been able to match it to any known species.
And now back to our show...
bom bom bommmmm ba bom ba bom
heyyyyyyyyy got any... gr8pes?
Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/13/18 @ 7:02pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
Meanwhile in Peru...
SCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
We interrupt this broadcast for a message from our glorious leader:
The vile enemy has suffered another squeeze from our talons!!! The capitilist love monger has been scorched!
Long live the Order! Long live the Order! Long live the Order!
Now back to our programming...
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/14/18 @ 12:14pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
The grizzled old explorer brushed aside cobwebs and peered with squinted eyes at the characters on the stone wall. It was dark, so dark down here in the secret chamber. The SCREEEEEEs of the upper levels were faint. It had cost a small fortune in bribes to get past the guards.
The script was in ancient Czech, something he had struggled with as a student, finally he deciphered it:
AH BRAAAHHHHK WEEETH THEEEE AH BRAAHHHHHK WEEETH THEE and then there were some carvings that showed two guys throwing something onto the shoes of a woman. A dog was off in the corner looking embarrassed.
He was just about to say "Eureka" when a talon tipped spear drove out from behind through his chest. He turned as his life ebbed away and saw a guard in a flack jacket with a complicated heraldic emblem on it watching his demise in satisfaction. The emblem seemed to be a Vulture ripping a heart in two while laughing at a man and a woman arguing in profile. But the man died before he could be sure.
The guard lit a flare. In this large... immense... chamber, across every wall, in every language, was scrawled short but not too sweet break up lines. Scrawled using a chisel. These guys had some talent. Making a callous, rude relationship ending phrase seem dashed off thoughtlessly in the stone. In fact the carvings were done painstakingly, religiously, by master craftsmen who spent their entire lives learning the art.
It was said that when the number of phrases passed 9 billion True Love would vanish from this world.
But the old explorer was beyond caring now. Soon his would be just one more acid bleached skull on the perimeter of this horrid place.
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The script was in ancient Czech, something he had struggled with as a student, finally he deciphered it:
AH BRAAAHHHHK WEEETH THEEEE AH BRAAHHHHHK WEEETH THEE and then there were some carvings that showed two guys throwing something onto the shoes of a woman. A dog was off in the corner looking embarrassed.
He was just about to say "Eureka" when a talon tipped spear drove out from behind through his chest. He turned as his life ebbed away and saw a guard in a flack jacket with a complicated heraldic emblem on it watching his demise in satisfaction. The emblem seemed to be a Vulture ripping a heart in two while laughing at a man and a woman arguing in profile. But the man died before he could be sure.
The guard lit a flare. In this large... immense... chamber, across every wall, in every language, was scrawled short but not too sweet break up lines. Scrawled using a chisel. These guys had some talent. Making a callous, rude relationship ending phrase seem dashed off thoughtlessly in the stone. In fact the carvings were done painstakingly, religiously, by master craftsmen who spent their entire lives learning the art.
It was said that when the number of phrases passed 9 billion True Love would vanish from this world.
But the old explorer was beyond caring now. Soon his would be just one more acid bleached skull on the perimeter of this horrid place.
Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/15/18 @ 2:43am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
Brandon loved Judy. Judy loved Brandon.
They had that friendship early on that blossomed into romance. Everyone knew they were destined to be married. When they were seen together, talking easily, holding hands, working together on some project with gusto, obviously savoring each other on many levels... people couldn't help but smile, and sigh happily. They were a living example of how wonderful life could be.
Each year they were together their bond grew stronger. More and more happy memories were laid in store to draw upon when alone or confused.
But the Love Vulture loved a challenge. He lost many times. There have been scores of great love stories, successful ones, where the lucky couple met when young and happily grew old together.
All he needed was a chink to give his ugly, evil heart hope. Some rub. His eye was sharp. His beak was always darting this way and that looking for an opening.
It was not enough to destroy their lives by taking their health or impoverishing them. He wouldn't bother with that. Because they would still love each other and foster their relationship no matter the storm. To succeed in his game he had to get them to trash their relationship. Forever.
By his rules if he got them simply to be incapable of living under the same roof but still having some kind of relationship, some kind of love, it was a draw not a win. To win they had to break all ties. The last cinder of love had to be extinguished. No hate necessarily. Just a lack of love between them.
To have any chance against a bond like Brandon and Judy's he has to have a fierce patience. He has to take some small hurt and perturb it, build on it, cause it to fester. It is a sad thing indeed that we have to deal with such a determined foe. He has succeeded against long odds.
It is a war of the mind. Of philosophy, of values, of priorities. It is not enough to know that a menace exists. One must have the proper mental weapons, the proper discipline. When a relationship thrives despite all his effort to bring it down it is a golden, heart uplifting wonder... an achievement at the top of a lifetime's efforts.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/28/18 @ 10:59pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
No: Did the Love Vulture ever sink his talons in your cold heart Fu?
Fu: The Love Vulture has left his mark on all hearts.
No: I didn't realize your past was riddled with unrequited loves.
Fu: My PIT is riddled with them. Some men have skeletons in their closet. Not me. The crew cleans the pit every Thursday. But they don't get everything. Some of those little bones get down in the cracks.
No: You can look at those and not feel something?
Crew member: Boss, a fang from Phillip. We found it in the shin bone of the governor's daughter. It has his initial on his gold filling.
Fu: *sob* Oh Phillip. You always had such a sweet tooth. Why do the best serpents go first? He was just a boy. A 500 pound bundle of sweet loving fangs.
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Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/30/18 @ 9:04am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
If you hang out with scoundrels you will be forever ruined. That's why I am hosed. All thanks to you bastards. It is not the charming kind like Long John Silver. No redeeming qualities.
It is not time wasted. It is not bad attitude. It is the contagious quality of bad ideas, poorly thought out. Bad judgement on a grand scale. The lax discipline that is the opposite of the Spartan ideal.
But ask any pilot. When you are downward spiraling thanks to the vagaries of the vehicle you are hurtling through space in. Do not react irrationally with a tug on the stick. Sit back. Feel the death spin. Ponder the consequences of your next action.
That's why... I'm going dancing tonight! Gonna dance on your graves! ba ba baaaa ba ba bum ba baaaa ba bum
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It is not time wasted. It is not bad attitude. It is the contagious quality of bad ideas, poorly thought out. Bad judgement on a grand scale. The lax discipline that is the opposite of the Spartan ideal.
But ask any pilot. When you are downward spiraling thanks to the vagaries of the vehicle you are hurtling through space in. Do not react irrationally with a tug on the stick. Sit back. Feel the death spin. Ponder the consequences of your next action.
That's why... I'm going dancing tonight! Gonna dance on your graves! ba ba baaaa ba ba bum ba baaaa ba bum
Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/30/18 @ 10:15pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
1/30/18 @ 11:22pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266
