There have been a lot of posts recently about what country has the best performers and so far there’s been no real conclusion.
Here’s my warped take on the whole matter/
LIGHS FADE TO BLACK
“LIVE from Madison Square Garden your host Chuck Longcock.”
Cheers and applause
A solitary spotlight picks out a Ring announcer
“Laydees and Gentlemen, Welcome to the inaugural Flirt4free multinational Battle Royale for the vacant title of Best country for performers to come”
“This battle is a no holds barred fight of tooth and (false) nail to settle the dispute of what country is better “(Chants of various fans for different countries are heard from the capacity crowd)
“All competitors will enter the ring wearing a dress and will be removed once another competitor has removed all the combatants clothing,”
Let’s meet our competitors
Representing Canada the lovely Maple-Leaf Mauler Kalikatt - this
brunette beauty is undefeated in the art of dildo fencing for 3 years and weighs in at a weight of ‘Mind your fucking business” Kalikatt strides confidently down the aisle to the ring waving at her fans wearing Red and white as ‘Summer of 69 plays over the PA system”
Representing England its Kitty “Rock Chick” Fox - A relative newcomer to the sport but has already proved to be able to mix it up with the best -- Kitty runs down the aisle and dives into the ring and removes her cloak to reveal a costume of all black (Whistles and shouts of CALL ME erupt from the crowd drowning out her theme song of Ace of Spades)
Representing the Latin Americas is the Columbian Crusher Malori - growing up in a small town made Malori into the tough unorthodox styled brawler that has won many fans. Resplendent in Emerald Green this woman will happily rip off your balls and make you wear them as earrings. (MALORI, MALORI, MALORI is heard from the crowd as an accompaniment to her intro music of ‘Smack my Bitch Up”
Representing Russia and Ukraine is Axana - the Kiev Killer (YAAAY from the audience). Don’t let her sweet innocent looks deceive you guys - she will tear out your heart and make a smoothie of it if you piss her off. ‘War Hurrh what is it Good For’ blasts out as Axana enters the arena in Blue.
Australia is featured with Saphira - The Antipodean Assassin - originally from Germany and then England this well travelled beauty has a heart of gold and a tongue like a knife - Wearing the gold of her countries Rugby team she waves to the (mainly drunken) Australian fans as ‘Land Down Under’ fills the auditorium.
And Finally representing America it’s the 1 and only Kittie “Mighty Mouse” Turner -- she may look slim, petite and innocent but that’s 1 of her weapons - she will strike you down with great vengeance when you least suspect. Wearing her favourite Pink costume she slowly walks to the ring as ‘Theme from Rocky” makes the American fans go crazy.
I give to you the contestants. (Massed crowd goes absolutely mental)
Grabs 1 lucky guy from the audience -- What’s your screen name son?
PlayboyScout the guy replies. Well you just stand there for 1 moment while I remind the ladies of the rules.
Okie ladies there’s no limits on what you do so this - thumbs PBS in the eye, this - hits PBS with a chair or this - jumps up and down on PBS head - IS allowed - Owww moans PBS - Ahh shaddap you snivelling sack of crtap this is payback for all the crap you been forcing on us.
The rules of the battle is to remove all of your opponents clothes and throw them over the top rope to the floor when they are naked - once you are thrown out that’s it you go back to the locker room.
“LET’S GET READDYYYY TO FUMBLE”
* Please take this in the way i intend - tongue embedded firmly in cheek *
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