Why is being the best/close "guy" or "girl" friend sometimes the worst feeling in the world? You would do anything for the other person because you love them, but it hurts ever so much to feel 2nd best. Like you are good enough, but... I just wish that feeling in my heart would go away. That I could think of her as a sister. That I could stop thinking of her as the most amazing and beautiful person. That I could stop my mind from dreaming of more... Quote

xman, this is a problem that has plagued guys for millenia.

its that whole coming in 2nd thing. some jackass broke the ribbon before you. i dunno how else to put it. chin up bubba, theres a shitload more out there and probably better Quote

How true BigDaddy...but it stills hurts like hell. If you can not accept the 2nd best, it is best to leave until you can deal with it. An old saying "time heals all", but you gotta take the time. Quote

Hey Gman. I have an opening for a new boyfriend. My Hubby and Three other boyfriends are cool as fuck. You would like them if you are able to curb the whole jealousy thing. These guys know I just have a lot of personality and love them all. I would not trade any one in...but I would if I had to trade em in for my beautiful kids, ages 20, 7, and 4. Other than that...they know I love them all equally for their minds...they can talk back to me all they want...as long as they know i can get mouthy when i feel insulted for being myself. (((see past forums..lmao))) Anyway, send me an email Gman. I wanna know what you are about. What makes you motivated...what you want in life. where you come from....where you have been....that sorta thing.
xoxo
chin up...i know it hurts.
xoxo pammie

meredith brooks "im a bitch, im a lover" is ma song love. Do you have one?
enjoy Quote

i know the feeling, in high school i was friends with a guy that had liked my friend for a long time. she considered him a friend and only a friend. to be honest i was never jealous and i didn't like him until after one summer he came back taller and better looking. though since i was the one that chatted with him and walked home from school with him things kind of turned my way after that. of course i never really shook the feeling of being second choice and there were some issues with it later since my friend now seeing that the guy was with me she decided it was time to show interest. she only realized he was worth it after seeing me with him.


that just shows that a little jealousy goes a long way and sometimes it takes losing what you have to someone else to realize how much it means to you. i wonder if you'd open her eyes if you went out on a lot of dates with hot girls and let her know about it or got a steady girlfriend ;) and hey if it doesn't work you might meet someone cool in the process.
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in my eyes this is eeasy.
i never wanted for more than to be second best. and i never hold anyone as more than second best.....
i have my number ones.. myself and mykids. next to that.... i love no one in the same , and i dont expect to be loved in the same light either.

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You've just fallen into the fabled "Friend trap", where the girl you obviously love will only ever see you as a good friend and never let you fuck or kiss her, because she's afraid it will "ruin your great friendship". Which is just an excuse for "I don't WANT to have sex with you but I don't want to hurt your feelings".

The killer line is when she says "I'm so happy you are my friend, so I can talk about anything without thinking you wanna get into my bed"..when that's the exact thing you've been thinking of for the past 3 months Quote

in my eyes this is eeasy.
i never wanted for more than to be second best. and i never hold anyone as more than second best.....
i have my number ones.. myself and mykids. next to that.... i love no one in the same , and i dont expect to be loved in the same light either.


brit, what you say is true. kids, family, and self come first. however, love life is a whole different animal. not to be cliche, but its a different kind of love. i've been in his place bunches of times. you get drunk, you bitch and complain, and then you get the tranquilizer gun and start over Quote

ya'l are as smart as hell...listen to them xman...you are a cool ass winner and to be perfect is to be stricten with disorders and anxiety. Love yourself first and the whole world looks different. Think closely everytime you speak...or act...are you in survival mode to be loved? I love you and I don't even know you. People are amazing and complex, luv.
xoxo
pammie girl via hubby's login...since i have been banned as a model that speaks her mind under the guise of "you are too much liability and trouble for our site" did i tell you i love charlie brown...lets see what the Peanuts guide to life says about self-care:

page 39 "Sometimes all we need is a little pampering to help us feel better..." by the knowledgeable pharoah Linus.
xoxo
peace and love
pammiegirl Quote

It's a hard place to be in.. You're her best friend - she's not that deft, she would be dating you if she was interested but for whatever reason the attraction isn't there or she just doesn't see the two of you in that light. Try to get yourself out there and get yourself seen and don't be too hung up on her if it isn't going to happen. Maybe her friends will see how good you are with her and take interest. Or if she knows you're looking, maybe she has some ideas about who's right for you or knows of a match.

The guy doesn't always get the girl, but there are millions of others - try not to be hung up on friend status with her as you won't likely get the Hollywood ending where she realizes you're what she always wanted - she's seen those movies too Best to enjoy what you have but keep your opportunities open. Quote

it's interesting to see how everyone has the same idea here but a bunch of different ways to move forward!

chances are that she's feeling the same way towards another guy and that's why she doesn't notice you; cause she's too busy trying to get what she can't have too. i fall into this "nice guy" area a little too much too as i watch all the girls i like going for the asshole while i'm at home worried about her and calling to make sure she made it home alright. i how vowed to never become that asshole even though that seems like what all the girls want.

some friendly advice for you (and anyone else who is going through this) though, as i am now 27 and have been playing this ridiculous game now for about ten years (FYI: i speak in majorities, i understand that not EVERY single girl is like this):

first - from personal experience most of the girls i'd go after tend to be younger (eighteen and over sicko's).. dunno why, just was always the case. the problem with this problem is that these girls don't have a clue what they are looking for in a guy as far as emotionally. they want the "bad boy" cause he looks like a good time and these girls don't yet understand that this guy is looking at her as a "good time" too.

second - unfortunately the good guy often times comes across as boring. so, for lack of a better term, get a life. why do girls go after the "bad boy"? cause there's a mysterious element about him! what could we do today? where could we go? how long could we do it for? the problem i had for years was being too predictable - i played everything too "safe". so anytime that a girl became interested she would then wonder away because it became too monotonous. no one's saying go bungee jumping or skydiving without a parachute, but at least have some things to do that deviate from the old "same old, same old".

thirdly - the biggest thing that i've found is that happiness and confidence is uber attractive. this was the hardest concept for me to understand because i was always afraid that i would come off cocky. if there's only one thing you take away from everything i've typed let it be this: you CANNOT make anyone else happy until YOU yourself are genuinely happy. you cannot fake happiness. as humans we are programmed to seek it. wouldn't you rather be around someone happy than sad? so while it sucks that this girl doesn't notice you, take the time to make you a better you; make yourself more well rounded. once you become happy with yourself you will exude confidence and that is what attracts more fish. this is a concept that not only has helped me in the women field, but in the game of life in general. even though i'm single, i'm actually happy being there because i'm no longer relying on someone else to fill that happiness void. that doesn't mean a girl can't be the icing on the cake, but don't let her be the whole cake!

lastly - be true to yourself. the minute you start changing who you are to be more like who she wants is the minute you become unhappy. if she doesn't like you for who you are then you need to have the balls to drop her and move on.

realize too that most girls have to have a good heartbreak or two to realize that the nice guy is what they need in their life and sometimes you just have to man up and say something. i know of three girls that have all said that they wish i had said something when they still lived close by because they were secretly thinking the same thing, they just said the whole "friend" line because they didn't know what else to say! three girls that would have made great mates for life but i let them all go - determined not to make the same mistake again i move forward as should you. if you like this girl enough maybe it's time to say something to her. but make sure she's everything you want and more before you put your friendship on the line because, as we all know, it's really hard to go backwards down that road!

what ever you decide good luck man and may the luck be with you!! Quote

Gdiddy, you are really wise guy.



I wouldn't agree on that "bad guy type" only - I had many crushes on "bad guys" but have never let any of them to be with me in relationship. Girls who don't want to be hurt and take relations seriously (and I hope those are your aim, guys ) are smart enough to keep away from "bad boys" for life.

I hope so

ps. oh well ok, good strategy is to keep interested by bad boy and then become cuddly sweetheart Quote

thanks loona!

one thing i forgot to add was the part about how when they actually get past their "bad boy" or "sow their wild oats" phase and are ready to settle down, they will be coming in swarms after you my friend. just make sure you have your little red "take a number" system all set up cause you're gonna need it when they realize that the assholes they've been going after really are an assholes! just remember: 30 is the new 18 and a lot of people i know are not settling down til later in life anymore so you might have a bit of time on your hands before the fishing becomes plentiful! Quote

thanks loona!
one thing i forgot to add was the part about how when they actually get past their "bad boy" or "sow their wild oats" phase and are ready to settle down, they will be coming in swarms after you my friend. just make sure you have your little red "take a number" system all set up cause you're gonna need it when they realize that the assholes they've been going after really are an assholes! just remember: 30 is the new 18 and a lot of people i know are not settling down til later in life anymore so you might have a bit of time on your hands before the fishing becomes plentiful!


Ok Diddy, now the hard question. How do i keep her from getting upset when i don't want to go shopping with her.

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Woo hoo I am about to make 31 the new 18 Quote

Ok Diddy, now the hard question. How do i keep her from getting upset when i don't want to go shopping with her.


Give her your gold credit card Quote

Loona...I concur. Credit Cards can and do everyday ... buy love. Reminds me of the time pammiegirl made my friend DonKay bankrupt. He just wanted to be her friend. She had no idea he was really paralyzed, in a wheelchair, and had accidentaly shot himself in the head when he was 13. He picked the lock of his cop daddy's gun box while his parents were away at a funeral. He was the eldest and the baby sitter. He learned he shouldn't twirl a live gun like a cowboy at a fine young age. The daddy keeps the guns upstairs now. doooohhhh.... I digress, pammie found out that she accidentally bankrupt him and told him....we can get out of this together. She said "Buck up little camper, we'll pitch that tent together." I think her wisdom applies here.
You have friends...and we will get you through this.
sincerely,
iron cock Quote

Give her your gold credit card


She has one of her own. As a matter of fact i think she has more than I do wtf. i should be the one upset Quote

props to you gdiddy...

oh, ignore loona. NEVER EVER EVER GIVE THE WOMAN YOUR CREDIT CARD ;)
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Ok Diddy, now the hard question. How do i keep her from getting upset when i don't want to go shopping with her.


compromise my man, compromise. if she wants you to go shopping then you have her do something you enjoy doing. i love disc golf so guess where she's going next? this is also the perfect time to show her you can be fun too and maybe drop some innuendos her direction. if you're at the mall and they have one of those party stores (like spencers) go in with her and make a few jokes in the sex toys isle, ya never know..

if that doesn't work then plan b is to make sure you stop into every man store or the men's section of wherever you are and spend some quality time with her there. might as well make sure you enjoy the trip too! and if all else fails i have trusty plan c which is to make sure that she doesn't enjoy the experience so she never asks me to go again! Quote