Not the way I remember these little " RYMES " ... LOL

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Not the way I remember these little " RYMES " ... LOL

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Female Performer Chat: Not the way I remember these little " RYMES " ... LOL

Created by: d9itl8r

10/29/09 @ 8:51am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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These are a little different from what I remember...

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
******************************************************

You have to be old enough to appreciate this.
If you don't understand, it is because you are too young. :winkwink

" RHYMES "...Oooops !

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Created by: Brintney James

10/29/09 @ 8:55am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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the first 2 and the last one.. funny as fukk.

but they were all good.

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Created by: carousel

10/29/09 @ 6:04pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back. The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care, With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads. And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake. Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird. I ran to the door, like I's on a mission, But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'. Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep. With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS! On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack. Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack. He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey. From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky. A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops. The veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips. He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly. I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three, And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me. A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head, From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic, Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics. His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice, But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells. Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more, He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order "Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"

And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,

"Merry Christmas You Rednecks! Merry Christmas Y'all!"
YEE HAWWWW!

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Created by: Eve Taylor

10/29/09 @ 7:41pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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that's so funny love the rhymes! x

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Created by: d9itl8r

10/30/09 @ 6:02am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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nice one carousel :thumbsup

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Created by: carousel

10/30/09 @ 9:06am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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thanks
I was looking to post something a little more in keeping with Halloween, but there just aren't any old rhymes that pop into my head

This is the best I've come up with:
(now dont ask why ... I just think of sweet innocent Kalikatt :angel

everytime this crosses my mind now)

Once upon a dark Halloween night;
A crazy middle-aged man decided to be the neighborhood fright.
He traveled around town, causing no harm;
Making sure to surprise, that is the charm.
Now in this little town, is one particular house;
looks like a disaster area, but quiet as a mouse.
The couple that lives there has not been seen for years;
No one has ever visited, for all of his or her fears.
Rumor has it the couple is dead;
Killed by a murderer the townspeople had said.
Now the man, curious as can be;
Noticed beside the house stands an old, old tree.
He thought to himself, �I�ll get a better look!�
He�ll come to find out, it�s a big chance he took.
Sneaking into the yard, heading for the tree,
A light in the house comes on, that should have been a key.
Continuing on, curiosity running wild;
Adrenalin flowing, but fear was mild.
Up the tree, to about the third limb;
Looking in the window, even though it�s quite dim.
An old lady sitting in front of the fire
Is all he could see, but not enough for the man�s desire.
Scooting on out as far as he could,
but a little too far, for his own good.
Cracking and snapping, the limb comes down;
All he could do, is follow it to the ground.
Surprised by the fall, even stranger though;
Not a twitch of movement comes from the luminous window.
Moving carefully toward it, making not the slightest sound;
Peeking in the window, astonished by what he found.
All around the room were deer heads galore;
But nothing could beat what hung above the door.
An older man�s head, from the shoulders up;
And beside him on the plaque, his little hound pup.
All of a sudden, the old woman rose;
Her skin half dead, from her head to her toes.
Between her eyes, this man could see
A bullet hole about the size of a bumblebee.
She strolled to the door and raised her aged head;
Chuckling a little and finally she said,
�you poor old fool, you thought you had it made;
shooting me in the head, six feet down I laid.
But I come back, and thought it would be right
To put you with your trophies, what a wonderful sight.
Now I can rest my old tired head
And be satisfied that you too are dead.
The scared man, shaking beyond belief,
Ran all the way home, climbed in bed, and soon fell asleep.
When morning come, the man slowly awoke;
But the sight he saw �bout made him choke.
Not being able to move, his eyes rolled around,
Seeing deer heads, from the ceiling to the ground.

Sitting in front of the fire, rocking away,
Sat the old woman he�d seen just yesterday.
She slowly got up and walked towards him;
But young were her eyes, her frown turned into a grin.
All of a sudden she asked, her voice real deep,
�Good morning honey, how did you sleep?�

:evil

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Created by: d9itl8r

10/31/09 @ 6:29am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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I won't ask why...

:orglaugh

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Created by: Kalikatt

10/31/09 @ 11:56am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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These are a little different from what I remember...

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
******************************************************

You have to be old enough to appreciate this.
If you don't understand, it is because you are too young. :winkwink

" RHYMES "...Oooops !

hehe I like the last one!

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Created by: Kalikatt

10/31/09 @ 11:57am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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hey! why does that remind u of me?!! grrrr lol

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Created by: suggs

10/31/09 @ 2:17pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To fetch her poor doggie a bone.

When she bent over,
Up popped Rover,
To give her a bone of her own.

***************

Little boy blue - come blow your horn,
The sheeps in the Meadow and the cows in the corn.

Wheres the one who looks after the sheep?
He;s on top of the haystack fucking Little Bo Peep.

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Created by: d9itl8r

10/31/09 @ 2:46pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Practicing my Lotto 6/49 Happy Dance !
Posts: 3,143

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Created by: carousel

10/31/09 @ 5:26pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn. :evil

.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
It smelled so bad, she knew not what to do.
She scrubbed and scrubbed.
She cursed and vexed.
Guess she never heard of Desenex.

.

Little Miss muffet sat on her tuffet.
Eating her curds and whey.
Down came a spider,
And sat down beside her.
And Thwack! - it soon passed away.

.

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed.
Now she's doing three to five

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Created by: carousel

10/31/09 @ 6:53pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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hey! why does that remind u of me?!! grrrr lol

H2So4 = Sulfuric Acid

lol sweety
I just think of sweet innocent Kalikatt :angel

everytime this crosses my mind now)

Somehow baby I can just imagine you 'voice real deep', asking �Good morning honey, how did you sleep?�

Little Willy used to drink,
But he shall drink no more,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2So4.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a bed
Little BoPeep was giving him head
As soon as he came she started to weep
Cuz she knew by the taste
He'd been shagging her sheep!

Quote

Created by: suggs

11/2/09 @ 4:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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I'll have to dig out from my mind the xmas carols that got me banned from the school choir and post them :evil

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Created by: carousel

11/2/09 @ 8:59pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: forgotten backroad standing still in time
Posts: 761

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probably wasnt the carols that got you banned Suggs
they needed a reason: no-one had the heart to tell you, You Cant Sing :orglaugh

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Created by: suggs

11/4/09 @ 4:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

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probably wasnt the carols that got you banned Suggs
they needed a reason: no-one had the heart to tell you, You Cant Sing :orglaugh

Well neither can most of the 'singers' today - I blame Simon Cowell !!

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Created by: amicu

11/4/09 @ 8:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: In the F4F Archives, Sublevel 5, aisles 71-72
Posts: 1,088

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Spider, spider, on the wall,
Haven't you got any sense at all?
Clear as can see the wall's newly plastered,
Now you're stuck, you silly bastard.

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Created by: amicu

11/4/09 @ 8:40am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: In the F4F Archives, Sublevel 5, aisles 71-72
Posts: 1,088

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Mary had a little skirt,
with splits right up the sides,
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt,
was split right up the front

�But she didn�t wear that one often.

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Created by: amicu

11/4/09 @ 8:43am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: In the F4F Archives, Sublevel 5, aisles 71-72
Posts: 1,088

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Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner,
Eating the neighbor girl Mary,
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "My, what a strange-looking cherry!"

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Created by: amicu

11/4/09 @ 8:54am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: In the F4F Archives, Sublevel 5, aisles 71-72
Posts: 1,088

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A couple less refined from Andrew Dice Clay..

Little Boy Blew..
He needed the money!

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy!

There was an old woman,
she lived in a shoe,
She had so many damn children,
her uterus fell out.

Jack and Jill,
went up the hill,
both with a buck and a quarter..
Jill came down with $2.50.

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