Well if we stuck to 2 lines I couldnt cut / paste this from the General chat section thats open for VIP only
One cold November night I was thinking about how exciting it is to be the one to be chosen to investigate the sexual predilections of a thousand women stuck on an island in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean where all they had was only coconuts and bananas to eat and very wild imaginations.
I began to plan how to get there as quickly as I possibly could without telling anyone at all my plans so that all first I had to hire a pedalo and flex the pink piggies. Armed with my viagra started to head for many body parts unknown.
Then my boss called!
Terry called to say I have heard about sex crazed island girls who always seem to wear grass skirts and shake their assets wildly to the beat of the congo drums and cymbals, vibraphones and maracas.
But the island chief, a top-heavy Amazon who wears women's underwear, as all Amazons do, gathered 1000 naked women then one by one handed them dildos made from bananas filled with coconut milk and scented lubrication, and party favors.
Chief Wannafuckme declared that the new island guests, all those desiring satisfaction from all forms of fun mischevious sexual games should fuck themselves, because whoever orgasmed most would be his new Queen.
Transexuals are normal on this island in the South Pacific Ocean because the women are too manly, and the men are all busy chasing real drinks with beer. Go cover the story of Polynesian morning glory but I'm the chosen one who will get his pick of many beautiful transexuals who are gender blender strange people who love to go.But that's not all they also have lots of sequined thongs that sparkle when they walk and make bad wedgie.
On the other hand the guests could choose to play with their fellow guests in one gigantic transexual orgy where jello wrestling as foreplay while listening to the sounds of the ocean cascading over bodies entwined until sand iritates their cracks and crannies.
But Chief Wannafuckme declared now is the time for the ritualistic sacrafice. I will need one rubber chicken and five latex rubber dolls that squeak when caressed.
The optional whipped cream and hundreds and thousands was applied liberally over the erogenous zones of the female island dwellers so that soon they made the men straight and the women lesbians. But that's not all, the big feast started when Chief Wannafuckme farted shooting a Kumquat out of his big hairy camouflaged bazooka! This tradition was started when five
lesbian dwarfs were stranded on top fiery volcano. They faced certain death until 20 top supermodels came to their rescue by squirting simultaneously and drowning enemy on pineapple flavored cum. Warrior cries of orgasm, shrieks of dwarfish delight (Music plays "Afternoon Delight").
But this was night!
With the scent of volcano heated pussy juice wafting through hundreds of aroused onlookers, suddenly from the bush came a blood-curdling scream.
Hearing this, Chief Wannafuckme ordered his elite warriors to track down the to start a search for the screamer using molten lava and sandpaper to treat penile warts.
But they couldn't find their asses without GPS, which of course meant the Voodoo priestess Nippletuna declared that everyone should use their tribunal staffs to make a boat big enough to hold Chief Wannafuckme's entire collection of elite warriors and the pigmy
lesbian dwarfs.
So they sailed toward the Island of Giant Clits and the wild squirting Amazon lesbians who were led by Priestess Gushalot.
When they landed ashore at 4:36p local time to be greeted by Priestess (Princess) Gushalots's waterfall orgasm and a host of wild gyrating land crabs amongst whom Richard Simmons dancing to the oldies, drooling and sweating profusely finally announced he's gay, as we already knew, but the Queen was determined to make him and good Chief (King) Wannafuckme dance the lamabada together while singing the song Giant Purple People Eater wearing an itsy bitsy polka dot g string to cover his gigantic disappoinment of a penis because he couldn't get his penis enlarging pump operative without compressed air. But Richard Simmons declared “no penis enlarging pumps, I’ll work it, sister!!”
Then suddenly an EARTHQUAKE!!
The supermodels’ silicones shook as a fissure split Giant Clit Isle into three pieces and revealed a giant steam powered organ upon which the Amazon Lesbians began playing the theme from Bonanza, screamin’ “ride ‘em cowboy” and “bring back JR”.
The singing woke up the gremlin Rumple Foreskin who laughed out loud and grabbed a supermodel to floss his teeth with pink pubic hair and drink her juices off her inner thighs until at last he was ready for date, (after lathering his ballsack), with Princess Gushalot. ------- She died.
My parachute drop was supposed to be me dressed as Santa delivering toys to all. But instead it was poor dead Princess Gushalot that got hit by a rocket propelled dildo manufactured by ACME Co causing the most amazing fountain of “squirt” you ever saw, but unfortunately a crazed dwarf unsheathed his conical laser nipples which shot out a blinding white beam of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup.
Right, at the genital area of the Zoo_keeper, whose annoying whiny “Biggest thing”, he had in his pants, beforehand all gooey and sparkly, was a roast chicken, covered in glistening wax, that his miniscule dick even when fully erect couldn’t poke its cavity.
Meanwhile Chief Wannafuckme moved a little closer to the dwarf lesbians encampment to check and see Dildo Shagginns, the nymphomaniac, grinding fiercely on an indifferent three-balled platypus until eventually the platypus laid an enormous egg right on top of a dung pile from the contents of diaperboys vintage 1992 crusted Pampers, which naturally resulted in the egg cracking open and out jumped ourjeffie, joyfully singing “My Ding-a-Ling”.
Who’s first words were “I wasn’t born yesterday!”? Dr Snipsaprick carefully cut his manhood but something appeared to be missing when the doctor examined the rest of the body. In a thorough search it was revealed he may never recover from the shock of being born with a deformed “One eyed Willy”.
Poor Papa Dildo Shagginns declared that his massive potential could only be reached if he inserted his entire left leg in a fruit flavoured condom, twice used, yet mango-ey (man-gooey), which attracted fruit flies. But the doctor inserted the right arm into amicu’s orifice which caused him to be quite cheerfully elated today. Getting too incestuous here but amicu’s elation was short lived. He found to his deep embarrassment that his orifice was closed for renovations.
Elsewhere the dwarf cannibal faction had begun to prepare for a feast of pina colada eatable underwear which they obtained from Victoria Secret’s secret catalogue. But as soon as they opened the package out jumped Sarah Palin with an enormous dildo shouting at the top of her voice … “Hillaryyyyyyyy I want your little ass hole – BABY COME ON MONICA LEWINKSKY’S Mouth.”
THEN …
Terry’s phone call delayed my departure to Paradise City where girls don’t need dildos because, just using thought power, they could achieve the biggest orgasms
and flood the city with wild ejaculating fountains that threaten to drown all the sex-crazed inhabitants - lock stock and barrel - as a few ran to higher ground, escaping the six foot blasts.
Whew, wiping forehead, giggling “ty” a heard of horny cows were so startled their udders squirted cheese and from their rear ends squirted bullshit!
A supermodel squealed “Princess Gushalot still alive!!!!!!!
But this was impossible!
Soul of a feline, nine lives? No, it was impossible!
However …a marooned pussycat all covered in cheese and with a Cheshire cat grin had the mind of Princess Gushalot but the body of Chief Wannafuckme whose unique sexual predilections meant vice conducting investigations into his model contacts in St Petersburg.
Concluded that there were questions to be asked about irregularities; but who should do this investigation?
PeteK immediately volunteered to ask Purgatory to post news of the chief’s advert asking for applications, to become the tribe’s new eunuch, in only four words!
The four words were multiplied into interminable chapters similar to Tickler’s autobiography –
WANTED:
Crazy, sexy, cool sex machine.
“Where do I sign?” Alas, poor Suggs! He was ignored for various shortcummings until a nymphomaniac dwarf pointed out the many different ways to orgasm when visiting the zoo using your index finger to tickle a pabdas ears will cause amusing typographic errors.
Errors? I must stop tickling my pet pabda.
Suddenly ninja squirrels started throwing acorns aimed directly at the nuts of Chief Wannafuckme.
Chief Wannafuckme declared “Time out! My nuts are not a fuckin target!”
The squirrels reloaded and continued their onslaught on the Chief’s love plums until Batfink, giggling hysterically, unsheathed his pulsating, quivering, throbbing, vibrating king-sized, custom built happy sack protecting wings.
Batfink in defiance, declared “Your nuts cannot harm us my Nutkins” – till a catapult made from Princess Gushalot’s knicker elastic launched a load aimed right for the most vulnerable part the Chief had exposed - (he is actually VIP Brad- the Administrator).
Brad, watch the mole within f4f popping room to room.
Trying to work out how the mole will be caught Gushalot laid her honey trap that no man could resist quickly.
With her vice like thighs, she entices the uncomprehending mole into her “HOT” den of iniquity.
The unfortunate result being the mole drowned in Princess Gushalot’s pulsating fountain of squirts unrivalled since Old Faithful.
The forgotten, (Queen Pistola de Agua with gerbil in ass singing “Hump my lovely lady lump”), millions were trampled underfoot after hearing Wal-mart was selling discounted honey coated crushed nuts.
Not having nuts, myself having encountered Gushalot’s thighs, Amicu succumbed to the Lick-n-stick-Nuts from Aisle 4 and a chuvoso bichano and extra Starbuck’s coffee.
However, on the island, an imbecile eunuch named Roger moaned about the lack of Playboy. Scout trilled that brain cells working inside a cross-dressing supermodel’s head - yes a really hairy cross-dressing supermodel with the most amazing design - shaved into her pussy hair a map to the lost city of New G-spot where women are women and men brandish pork swords, they climax without effort every three hours without imagining Amicu - (amazing, right?).
Wearing only a spandex leotard, an aroused dwarf with a spectacularly huge, the most beautiful, penis measuring double the dwarf’s height caught Squirt Flirt by surprise! She grabbed his beard and pulled so hard a pumpkin popped out of the deformed dwarf’s pointed hat! Squirt Flirt then pulled even harder and out came a stagecoach carrying elusive Queen Pistola de Agua who was straddling a massive vegetable marrow with a rose between her teeth.
Unfortunately the thorns had not been stripped, so she pricked the deformed dwarfs cock whilst ripping the dwarf’s scrotum with thorns.
Meanwhile the
lesbian sorority contemplated whether to include tribadism (vulva grinding) in their ritual and concluded that the most and BEST orgasms were with clamjousting. The clams should be only those shaped like huge clits, bearded and marinated in honey and served on a three-toed sloth’s toenail clippings and drizzled with chowder.
Axle grease was suggested to be an aphrodisiac but alas the only thing that a rabid clamjouster needs to achieve multiple orgasms was the deformed dwarf’s pointed hat and the swimsuit issue of “Coalminers in Colour” since time was short.
Many PMS afflicted Supermodels, eating salt n’vinegar chips and chocolate, in just their underwear, with their hormones raging, pussy’s throbbing and juices flowing freely, the supermodels from Flirt4Free, started to (also).
“It’s a Bum Site” (a new
anal sex website?) organised a nude Jerry Lewis masturbate-a-thon hosted by Judge Judy dressed as a dominatrix with her ball gag in hand and whip in the other. Sarah Palin dressed as turkey farmer, holding a Starbucks coffee, clenched between her thighs the bible, a Democrat election pin and three blind mice engaging in farmer’s wife chasing and singing), she wore a pearl necklace that Suggs gave her for a Xmas gift.
But Roger’s Plan was:-
To have Suggs.
Service as many of the gnomes, pixies and goblins.
Where should he start?
Swallowing three Viagra, nervously he began defiling every grinning goblin in sight until an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Between Gushalot and Wannafuckme, Pete screwed UpRotation involving a German sausage well lubricated with Vaseline and engraved.
Squirt Flirt was tossed between them causing them to have to take a breather and ponder which pixie fairy penis was bigger, Roger’s or PlayBoyScout’s.
They pulled out the measuring microscope, adjusted the lens and attempted to locate signs of masculinity. Unsuccessful until the seven dwarfs removed their hats revealing tiny dingalings squirting stuff that turned into snowflakes; I caught several with my tongue.
Gnomish masculinity principally comprises
1. Frequently posting to Skyhawk8,
2. Masturbating 24 hours daily,
3. Never
shaving your face,
4. Sitting on toadstools fishing.
All the characteristics above make the seven dwarfs irresistible to Princess Gushalot. Little did they know her juices were hypnotizing and 25% proof alcohol.
Suggs ordered a round and winked suggestively at all the pretty ladies amongst whom Snow White (and also Squirt Flirt) as well as Supertramp and even Christina Aguilera, (but bans Britney Spears), wanted the love apple but there wasn’t any.
But bananas were available, the four skinned variety.
Wrestling them from ourjeffie, the original “banana bender”, a nymphomaniac pixie, trilled “I WANNA ride that peeled and well”. Lubricated, eagerly preparing to mount whole bunch of bananas while riding a reindeer, the nymphomaniac pixie started to sing White Christmas in duet with Santa.
While all the reindeer had red noses and red asses because they were being beaten often with sticks of celery made sticky from peanut-butter and copious quantities of Princess Gushalot’s special sauce, I applied soothing oils with a squirrel’s tail but the squirrel objected and bit Tickler right on the end of his big toe – OUCH!
Hoping to appease him the squirrels started singing the classic Motown hit “Get on Deez Nuts” in their high-pitched voices.
Suddenly, from the distance, the erotic sound of dozens of women moaning was drowned out by Pimp Daddy. Skyhawk’s arrival fresh from the billabong tweaked his magical nipple with a clothes peg.
While whistling Dixie, meanwhile, Suggs discovered that his post count was frozen which caused him to consume several anti-depressants. Unfortunately all the alcohol drank caused an enormous bulge in his trousers and that’s not all, deep within, a rumble, his fetus broke wind, then cried out loud “Happy New Year everyone”.
Hearing this, Diaper arrived with his entourage of 62 men in diapers and 62 women in diamante studded thongs brandishing hypo allergenic cyber skin dildos that Amicu advised them all about. (He didn’t want a burning ass - use topical lidocaine lubrication.) Diaper adjusted his Huggies getting ready for the mother load Gerber strained-peas.
Tonight, time for different diet, as he spread Squirt Flirt’s badonk-a-donk, a portal to Gnarnia appeared!
Asslan the homosexual lion was paraded by Gushalot wearing a foreskin cape with fancy sexual jewels while Gushalot’s sister Squirt4Free wearing monkey’s taint gloves and very little else congratulated Suggs on reaching 1000 posts......
This is the story so far it continues in the VIP section.
Quote
Just a 
can the replys be in two lines or less !! Take almost a day just to read some of the replys . anyone eles agree 
Quote
]
]
Quote
Quote
Limited Time Offer!
Don’t Miss Out!
Last Chance!
